Where will I live?

I felt like I had so much more time when I agreed with Web Matcher about my start date, but all of a sudden it was July and I had less than a week left in New York.

I was flying out Sunday afternoon against my better judgment. I didn't think it was a great idea to arrive the day before I started, but also couldn't imagine not spending the Fourth of July with my family and friends.

I did, however, get a chance to fly out there for a few days. I had looked at listings for apartments on the internet and had a list of a few to check out before making a final decision. They were all available for the first of the month.

Anna had a few days off between teaching and the beginning of her camp job so she was able to come with me. "We have to go to the beach for at least a few hours one day," she said to me after agreeing to go. "And if I meet someone, don't get mad at me."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I've been there," I teased her. "I always seem to manage when you wander off."

"Hey," she protested with a smile. "I don't do it that much anymore. Besides, I got drinks with a guy the other night and I didn't want to immediately flee after my first pinot so there's some promise there."

Anna and I took an early flight out on a Tuesday and left late on Wednesday, giving us about two full days in California. I had two studio apartments and two apartments where I'd have roommates.

The first studio we looked at was the cheapest, so I had low expectations but high hopes. It was close enough to Web Matcher that I'd potentially be able to walk to work. Between transportation costs and the lower rent, I'd have more money to fly to New York and entertain the many guests I expected to come visit me. Yeah, all of the expectations I had with this place were way too high.

As soon as I walked inside I immediately wanted to leave. The place was described as 'immaculate' and it technically was, but it was just ugly. I almost squealed when Anna pinched me on my side. I looked at her and she was slightly shaking her head no behind the landlord's view.

Next, I was visiting an apartment a little bit further away. Even though it'd be kind of far from work, it was a good value and I figured if I liked the two girls who lived there, it'd be a good way to make some friends.

The place was beautiful and the girls who lived there obviously had a really great sense for design. The kitchen had brand new, wooden cabinets and an unscratched gray tile floor. My bedroom, which had its own bathroom attached, looked brand new. The walls were painted a dark purple and while it was small, there was a decent sized window overlooking the nice neighborhood.

"Caroline," Anna began with wide eyes. "If you don't live here, I'm quitting my job, getting certified in California, and leaving everything behind."

I laughed. "What about drink guy?"

"Fuck drink guy," she replied.

"Knowing you, I'm sure you already have," I teased her.

Anna laughed. "I plead the fifth."

The two girls who lived there seemed very nice, but I wasn't sure how well we'd get along. They were both blonde, both looking to become actresses, and both working at a restaurant in between auditions. I couldn't think of a more stereotypical California life, but that didn't make them any less nice and I was sure they'd be able to show me cool places in the area. Plus, they were both ridiculously tan so I knew I'd have beach buddies.

They told me they'd be in touch and I told them the same. I still wanted to see the last two places before I made a decision and they both had other girls coming to look at the room, as well.

"I'm not getting attached to that place," I told Anna while on the bus.

"Why not?" She loudly asked.

"Well, I don't even know if they'll pick me," I defended.

"Oh, shut up," she replied. "They'll pick you. Then you'll have that awesome apartment to bring guys back to. Fuck, the sex I'd have in that place." She whistled and just started smiling.

"You're such a weirdo," I replied as I looked around to see how close we were. "But it doesn't matter. The only guy I'm going to be fucking in that apartment is Scott." I felt a ping of sadness as I said that. "Hopefully," I finished.

For the past few weeks, whenever I thought about what would happen to me and Scott, I felt really sad. I realized that I wanted to stay with him, but I really didn't know how that would all work out.

"I think we're here," Anna said, suddenly getting my attention. As the bus came to a stop, Anna looked at me. "Hey," she began. "If that's what you want, I'm sure Scott will make it work. He loves you."

"Thanks," I replied before taking a deep breathe.

We got off the bus and looked at the next studio. It was pretty nice and I could definitely see myself living there. Then, we went to the next apartment, where a guy was living. He had a room available, but we'd be sharing a bathroom. That apartment was also really nice and well priced. I realized this wouldn't be a black and white decision.

As Anna began flirting with my potential new roommate, I looked out the window and bit my bottom lip. This was really happening. I was moving across the country and living on my own.

Now, it's Fourth of July weekend. Independence Day. And I'll be celebrating my new independence in New York.

The Bright Car Lights

"When? Wait, what? No, why?"

Moose began rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at me with such daze you'd think I had just spoken an alien language.

"I don't know," I began with an awkward smile. "It all happened kind of fast." I continued to give him a brief version of how the move came to be.

"Well, thanks for telling me," he said to me in a borderline rude tone. I didn't snap back, though, because I know how mean Moose can be when he's actually just hurt.

"I know," I said with a frown. "I suck, but I promise I'll throw myself like, a going away barbecue."

"I just, I mean, good for you. I just didn't know you were even considering moving."

"I wasn't," I said as I diverted my eyes. We had been making awkward eye contact for a few too many seconds at this point. "It kind of fell into my lap to be honest."

"Well, it sounds like an incredible opportunity," he replied nudging me on the arm. I looked back into his eyes and gave a sad smile. "I'll miss you, though, C."

I subtly rolled my eyes. "I'll be back all the time!" I was beginning to feel like a broken record. Did everybody really think I'd forget about them?

"So," Moose continued as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Is that why Scott's not here tonight? How'd the break up go?"

I widened my eyes at him. "We didn't break up," I practically whispered. "He's at a baseball game."

"Oh, you're going to do long distance?"

I sighed. "Maybe," I finally responded. "We haven't completely figured it out."

Moose furrowed his eyebrows. "And you're leaving, when?"

"We're going to talk about it!" I screamed so loud at him people looked over at us. I took a deep breathe as I tried not to get too red. "I mean, we'll talk before I leave. I don't know what's going to happen."

"Well," Moose continued, softening his tone. "I'm sure you'll stay together."

I shrugged. "I don't know if he'll even want to try it."

"Eh," Moose responded looking down at his feet. "Long distance isn't so bad. He'd be crazy not to try it."

"You'd do long distance if you or Beth moved across the country?" I asked. Maybe, just maybe, getting Moose's perspective would give me a peak inside what Scott could be thinking.

Moose let out a long sigh. "Probably not," he laughed.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "So it's easy for you to tell other people that it's easy, but if it were you, long distance is out of the question. Do I have that right?"

"No," he quickly responded. "I'm saying, he'd be crazy not to try it with you." He stared at me with a straight face and I felt myself getting very uncomfortable.

"Oh," was all I was able to muster.

"Beth's great," he continued, looking towards the door of the bar. It suddenly occurred to me that we had been outside for quite a while now. "But I don't know. Do you ever just get the feeling that you're with the wrong person?"

I shrugged. "Everyone questions things once in a while."

Moose nodded. "Yeah, maybe. Anyway, I don't think Scott's going to let you go. Unless he's had a concussion I don't know about."

I smiled and let out a quiet laugh. "Thanks, Moose. We'll see."

We just stood there for a few seconds in complete silence. Then he told me he was going to find Beth and see if she was ready to head out soon. "Hey," he began right before he turned to walk inside. "And just don't forget about us eastern folks when you're hanging out with the big movie stars in California, okay?"

I smiled and nodded at him. "Never," I answered.

He turned and walked inside. I stood there looking at the ground for a couple of seconds before turning to face the street. I watched the people walking around and the cars driving by. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by all the lights of the cars. Then, the voices of the people became really loud and I tried to shut my eyes to quiet them. All it made me realize was that my heart was pounding so fast it felt like it was going to push itself into my bra. I took some deep breathes, but it didn't help. Fuck, what was happening to me?

I sat down against the wall of the bar and waited for the moment to pass. If I wasn't having a panic attack, it was pretty damn close. I looked to my left and saw a group of girls. One was drunkenly crying while the others comforted her. Then, I turned to my right. There was a group of middle aged people smoking. I hadn't had a cigarette since at least the first year of college, when I was trying to impress one of my classmate's loser cousins at an honor's college party, but I felt drawn to have one at that moment. "Excuse me," I managed to say loud enough for one of the shorter women to hear me. "Could I possibly bum one of those?"

The woman looked at me, surprised, before a wave of compassion took over her face. "Sure, honey." She bent over, handed me one, and then flicked her lighter as I held the cigarette to my mouth. I smiled and thanked her as I took several drags. Cigarettes are disgusting, I thought to myself, but I was glad to have one at this moment. I think it all just hit me when Moose walked inside. I was really moving. All of my relationships were going to change. So much was going to change and I wouldn't be able to control it all.

A few minutes later, I picked myself up and returned to my friends. All in all, it was a good night.

Mason Jar Drinks

"Come on, this might be the last time we go out while you're still a Long Island girl!" Anna shrieked at me as I tossed the uncomfortable wedges aside that she wanted me to wear.

I rolled my eyes at her. "So shouldn't I be comfortable on my 'last night?'" I put those last two words in air quotes because I really didn't see this as any sort of bon voyage outing. That would be the Fourth of July, right? We weren't even through June at this point!

"Yeah, the flat sandals look fine," Jessica said as she picked a piece of mint out of her mojito. Jessica, Anna, and Darlene had come over around five to make dinner and drinks before we headed to a strip of bars more East on the island.

"I guess you don't have anyone to impress, right?" Anna said, giggling to herself.

"I can't believe Scott can't come out with us," Darlene pouted. "I think we're more entertaining than the Mets, anyway."

I laughed while pulling a clothes hanger out of my closet. "I definitely think we are," I commented.

Things were pleasant among us all. I thought things would at least be awkward between Jessica and I, but she was actually being nicer than usual. I'm not complaining, but it was odd.

After we hung out in my room for a while, where I decided on wearing an aztec patterned tank top, denim shorts, and the flat sandals, we began gathering our things so we could head out. I made sure to snap a selfie of the four of us to add to my Snapchat story before piling into Darlene's car. She was on antibiotics, so she couldn't drink anyway. Perfect designated driver for us!

We blasted 90s Pandora on the drive over and I could feel the liquor from earlier really hitting me. I was having such a good time that I began wondering if I could convince all three of them to follow me to California.

Once we were about five minutes away, I checked my phone and had two text messages. One was from Scott, letting me know that he missed me and bought me a present from Citi Field. He's the best. The other was from Moose. I slightly cringed when I saw he was texting me, while being somewhat excited since I haven't really spoken to him too much over the past few weeks.

"Hey! You're going to be in Patchogue? I'm headed there with some of Beth's friends." For about two seconds, I was confused on how he knew where we were going before quickly realizing that I wrote it on my Snapchat story. I was relieved to know he wasn't following us in his car.

"Hey! Yeah, we're headed there. Let me know what bar you end up at!"

We parked and headed into this bar that had a live band playing music. We all ordered drinks and the bartender served them to us in small mason jars. "This place couldn't be more fucking trendy if they tried," Darlene laughed before taking a sip of her Long Island Iced Tea.

"Right?" I agreed. "Anna, this was a good find." Anna had been the one to suggest this place after meeting a guy on line here for a drink.

"Oh, you know," she began as she playfully whipped her hair behind her neck. "I go on all these dates just so we know the happening places."

We were all laughing and even began dancing to the live music for a little while. I just happened to peer behind me and a tall guy caught my attention. It was Moose.

I turned and began walking over to him. "Hey, stranger!" I greeted him as I leaned up on my tippy toes to give him a hug.

"Yeah, I'm good. How have you been?"

It was pretty loud so I just kind of nodded. It dawned on me that I hadn't told Moose about my move. I hadn't told many people outside of my family, Scott, and my closest girl friends. I waved him over to where the rest of my friends were and decided to let my future self worry about when to drop the news.

Beth and her friends must've went to the bar or something, but they met us a few minutes later. They said they wanted to head to a bar a few doors down so we all finished our drinks and followed. The weather that night was perfect; not humid at all. I wondered how it'd compare to the weather in Santa Monica.

Our next spot was a German bar with a bunch of different beers that I didn't recognize, but I picked one and went with it.

I went to the bathroom and when I came back, I noticed Anna, Darlene, and Jessica talking to a big group of guys. They were all pretty hot, but I didn't feel a single ping of jealousy. With past boyfriends, I would sometimes go out, watch my single friends meet guys, and feel slightly envious. However, I didn't feel that at all. I was happy for them, but I didn't want to be them. Not even a little.

I decided to go outside to get some air and quickly call Scott. I wasn't sure if the game was over yet, but it had to be close. When I walked outside, though, Moose was sitting there by himself.

"Yo, where's Beth?"

"Huh?" Moose asked as he looked down at me with a confused look. "Oh, she's in there with her friends. I just wanted some air." I slowly nodded. "So, what have you been up to?"

I don't know if it was the alcohol or if I just felt the need to be completely honest, but I decided to just flat out tell Moose. After all, he was one of my closest friends, at least at some point.

"I'm moving to Santa Monica," I quickly blurted out.

Celebratory Dinner

"So let's raise our glasses," my dad said as he embarrassingly lifted his beer bottle into the air. "To Caroline, being offered a job within a couple weeks of her graduation. We're so proud of you, honey."

"Thanks, Dad," I said with a timid smile. It was a really nice night out so we decided to eat dinner on the patio. My mom made some amazing Italian dishes for the occasion, including chicken parmesan and spaghetti. Of course, she made too much, because she always makes too much. My mom comes from a big Italian family, where any night that's considered even a little bit special is a reason to eat in excess.

My immediate family was sitting around the table, along with Scott who my mom insisted I invite over. "This dinner is to celebrate your new job!"

I had no trouble inviting Scott over. I always enjoy when he comes over to have dinner with my family. My parents loved him and he got along with my siblings pretty well. In addition to my brother, I have a younger sister. She's in college and we get along just as well as any other sisters, I suppose.

I felt a little awkward inviting him to this particular dinner, though. That Monday morning I received an official offer from Web Matcher. I was actually pretty surprised at the starting salary, but my dad and brother still told me I had to ask for a relocation fee. It felt very unnatural to me to ask for more, but I knew it was the correct way to go about accepting a job. My mom asked me, "haven't you read Lean In?" I told her I hadn't, so she chewed my ear off for about twenty minutes about the major points.

I called Scott on the phone right away about the offer. I obviously had no way to dissect his body language through the phone, but he sounded genuinely happy for me. After some discussion of the details with my family, as well as Scott, I realized that not only did I want to take this job, but I had to. Even Scott said that I'd always kick myself if I didn't take the chance on something new.

However, since making the decision, Scott and I have only discussed a few details of the move. I felt like we were both carefully dancing around the real issue; what about us?

A celebratory dinner with my family and Scott made me feel good, though. I didn't know what would happen between me and Scott. I also felt guilty about moving across the country, because I was close with my family. I wondered if being further away from them would weirdly make us closer or simply drive us apart.

Besides Scott and my family, I still wasn't sure how my friends, mainly Jessica, were going to take it when I actually moved. She apologized for her outburst at dinner, but things still felt tense between us. I knew she meant everything she said, but what could I do? Like I said, I had to take this job.

"So, you're going to have to keep me very informed about all the important pre wedding events," I said to my brother. 

"Yes, Samuel," my mother began. "If you expect Caroline to come home, you're going to have to tell her with enough notice so that she can arrange a flight!"

"Well," Sam began before pausing to take a sip of his beer. "I don't expect you to come back for everything. There will only be a handful of important things and we're not getting married for two years."

"I'm moving across the country, not to outer space!" I proclaimed. "I will be coming home all the time." I turned to Scott, who was spinning spaghetti around on his fork. It was the first time I noticed him seeming uncomfortable around my family.

I looked at everyone else. They were all politely smiling and my brother quickly changed the subject. I felt like everyone thought I was going to just pick up and forget about all my loved ones at home. Maybe I was fooling myself if I thought I'd be jumping on a plane all the time once I became comfortable in Santa Monica.

The rest of dinner went fine. While it was a congratulatory dinner, it was far from a bon voyage dinner. I had talked to Lillian a little bit about a possible start date and we landed on the week after the Fourth of July. It gave me a little bit of extra time, but it seemed a little unnecessary for me to begin before a big holiday weekend that I'd either want to spend with my family or spend getting settled in California.

Scott and I went for a walk around my neighborhood shortly after dinner. I wanted to have some alone time with him, since it was apparently clear to everyone that we had no idea what we were doing come my move. I also felt super full after dinner. Damn that Italian bread!

"Thanks for coming over today, baby," I said to Scott as I squeezed his hand. "I really appreciate it."

"Anything for you," he replied as he watched his feet move one in front of the other along the street.

"Listen," I began as I felt a lump forming in my throat. "I don't want you to think I haven't thought about you, about us, at all in regards to this move. I feel like I haven't been completely fair to you."

Scott kind of cut me off. "Caroline, don't think about me. You have to do what's right for you. I know that."

"Okay," I continued. "But, we'll talk about us soon, okay? I don't know how you feel, but I don't want to make any decisions yet. We still have a lot of time here, right?"

Scott stopped walking and gently kissed my forehead. "Right," he agreed.

Girl Talk

"I'm so unbelievably jealous of you! My job has turned into such a shit show." Darlene immediately finished off her second whiskey sour after she said this.

"What am I supposed to do if you move?" Anna dramatically asked as she spun spaghetti around her fork. It was the Friday night after my interview and I was out with Darlene, Anna, and Jessica. I had originally mentioned the potential job to them, but I had forgotten to mention that it was located in California once I found out. Oops.

"You guys will visit me!" I exclaimed. I was honestly trying to put on my bravest face, but for the last few days I had been a ball of nerves.

When I walked into the coffee shop for my interview, I looked around for a few seconds before spotting a middle aged man with a very subtle receding hairline sitting with his legs crossed in a leather arm chair toward the back of the room. I walked over to him, while trying to mimic the power moves I had watched in a YouTube video the night before.

"Mr. Ellis?" I asked, hopeful, with my hand out, ready to shake his own.

"Yes," he bellowed before standing up to shake my outstretched hand. I was relieved that my assumption was correct. "Please, take a seat," he continued. "What can I get for you?"

The question caught me somewhat off guard, but I stood up straight and told him I'd take a black coffee.

"Oh, boy," he replied with a smile. "You mean business! I'll be right back."

I was a little stunned by his response, but his demeanor was so easy going that I knew this interview wouldn't be too bad. I eased up a bit and once he returned, he began asking me typical interview questions. We fell into a rhythm where I felt like we were almost just having a casual conversation.

After about twenty minutes, Mr. Ellis told me that he didn't have any more questions for me and asked if I had any for him. Of course, just like the trained Type A personality I have, I asked him two that I found off a Forbes list. One was about the potential growth of my position and the other was about opportunities for continuing education classes related to the job. He seemed impressed that I asked these questions and gave me very thorough answers.

By the time I walked out of there, I felt fairly confident in how well I did. I tend to think worst case scenario, so even though I kept thinking about the disappointing email I'd probably receive in a few days, I told myself that even if I didn't get this job, I did my best on the interview. I was also happy that he told me they'd email me by Monday, even though this meant I'd have the luxury of stressing all weekend. Fun!

So I filled my weekend with friends, family, and mostly Scott. He was still being super supportive, but I feel like we were both thinking the same thing: this was the last weekend we could have before our fate was potentially decided by a job offer.

I was indulging with a chocolate martini that didn't taste as great as it looked in the picture while eating my mussels like somebody was going to take them away from me. I was almost as nervous to tell Scott about my job offer as I was to tell my core friends. We had definitely grown a bit distant, but don't a lot of young women go through phases like that with their friends? It would still be hard to say goodbye to them.

"I know, I'm just being selfish," Anna laughed. "We're so proud of you!"

"Yeah, I seriously might follow you there," Darlene added in. This was now her fourth or fifth comment about how much she hated her job. I had read online that the company was laying people off, but Darlene is pretty private and sensitive about her job, so I never asked her about it. Now, I felt like it was staring us all in the face.

"Have you sent your resume anywhere else?" I politely asked.

"No," she quickly replied with a sigh. "I mean, I wouldn't really leave unless I had to, but my supervisor's been such a bitch lately. I'm hoping she calms down next quarter."

We all nodded and Anna said something encouraging to Darlene. I'm not even entirely sure what she said because it was that moment that I caught a glimpse of Jessica, who was being weirdly quiet.

"Everything okay, Jess?" I cautiously asked.

"Sure," she replied. Well, okay then.

There were a few seconds of silence. I wasn't about to poke the tiger, but we couldn't exactly ignore the awkwardness at this point.

"Jess..." Darlene said.

"I don't know!" Jessica blurted out as her fork hit the plate in a dramatic fashion. "We barely see each other anymore and now you're fucking leaving? I can count on one hand the amount of times we've actually had fun together this year. All of us!"

Darlene, Anna, and I remained silent. I felt like a deer in freaking head lights.

"Listen, I know I'm supposed to be happy for you," Jessica continued as she lowered her gaze to the table. "And I am happy for you. But, this is coming out of nowhere! You never mentioned the desire to move before in your life and now you're moving three thousand miles away? For a job that you don't even know is going to exist in six months?"

Jessica had a point. The position I was going for was completely new. "I don't know what I'm going to do," I finally replied. "I'm sorry to upset you." Jessica sighed and quickly apologized before heading to the bathroom.

I felt awful. She was right. How could I even think about just picking up and leaving?

But I didn't say any of that.

Things felt so much better with Scott the days following our dinner on the south shore. Without even discussing it, we fell into a pattern of seeing each other much more. I slept over his house that Friday night. As soon as I walked into his bedroom, I felt him kissing my neck behind me. His arms immediately followed suit, quickly massaging my neck before moving down my arms and around my waist.

"I want you," he whispered into my ear as I playfully giggled at his touch. I turned around and kissed him hard. After some strong emotions, I felt like the passion between us was heightened. He walked me backwards to the bed where I lifted my shirt over my head before laying on my back. He towered over me for a moment, exhaling his breathe before leaning in to kiss my neck. Before I knew it, he was slipping off my jeans and undoing his own zipper.

I shimmied back on the bed a few inches and he simultaneously positioned himself on top of me. I wanted to say so much to him in that moment. I wanted to tell him that he was the most important person in my life. I wanted to tell him that I never meant to keep a secret from him. I wanted to tell him that even in the short time that we've been together, I have already felt myself becoming a better person. He made me want to push myself and in the most dramatically ironic way, I wanted to succeed at this job, or whatever job I decide to take, because of him.

But I didn't say any of that. And he didn't say anything either.

I knew he wanted to tell me things, though. He told me with his eyes and with the way he had sex with me that night. Something was different, but in a good way. I felt extremely present as he held my hips and continuously thrusted inside me. I ran my hands over his chest and leaned my head back as I softly moaned his name. I like to think that it was more intimate because we had become closer that night. However, there was a small part of me, the guilty part of me, that felt like he was trying to show me how much he loved me in case I left.

The next morning, I awoke in Scott's arms. We didn't always cuddle anymore. It was getting hot again and we had grown comfortable in our relationship. However, I don't think we separated at all that night. I didn't move for a few minutes, because I didn't want to wake my adorable, sleeping boyfriend. Soon, I had to go to the bathroom, though. I tried to gracefully remove myself from his grasp, but I wasn't smooth enough. It's a good thing I never had a one night stand that I had to escape from.

"Babe, don't get up yet," he murmured. 

"I have to use the little girl's room," I replied as I kissed his forehead. He smiled with his eyes still closed.

Once I was done and reentered the room, Scott was sitting up on his phone. I crawled back into bed and innocently peaked down at his phone, where I saw the ESPN application opened. "Everything good in sport's land?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," he quickly put his phone down and leaned in to kiss me. This made me feel even more guilty than I had the night before. Scott loves his sports and I try to give him the space he needs to keep up with all his teams. He was really making an effort to give me more attention and I felt like a bitch because he didn't have to change anything about the way he acted around me.

We did a lot of outdoorsy stuff that weekend and saw each other every night during the following week. The day of my interview, I even took an earlier train to the city so I could meet him for lunch near his building.

As we sat down with our food at a salad place almost right under his building, I began feeling extremely nervous and told Scott so.

"Don't be nervous," he said waving his hand at me. "Just be your awesome self. And don't be afraid to brag a little. If you just talk about all your accomplishments and hard work, he'll probably offer you the position on the spot."

"Thanks," I replied, rubbing Scott's arm. "I just can't wait 'til it's over. These things freak me out."

"I know," Scott said as he planted a kiss on the side of my head. "You'll get it, though. Plus, if you don't, you'll just get something even better."

I happened to look down and saw Scott's foot nervously tapping on the stool. My heart melted. He was putting on such a brave, encouraging act for me, but he was clearly nervous, too. I think we were both not only nervous for how I'd do on the interview, but also what would happen if I actually got the job. If I was offered the job, we'd have to do some serious relationship talking.

"Well, I don't know if I'll even take it if I get it," I continued before putting a huge fork full of my strawberry and spinach salad in my mouth.

"I'm sure you'll make the right decision," Scott replied. I was curious why he hadn't said more about what he wanted me to do, but realized that I was thankful that he was putting the choice in my hands.

When we were outside, I gave Scott a long kiss on the sidewalk. I didn't care if it was tacky. I needed some affection before heading to talk to Lillian's supervisor!

I walked to the coffee shop where we were meeting and took several deep breathes before walking through the door. "Here goes nothing," I thought.

Time to Tell Scott

A beautiful, long stem rose appeared in the small opening of my driver's side window. It almost startled me as I looked up from my cell phone.

"Aw, babe," was all I managed as I lowered my window to take the rose from Scott's hand. "What's this for?"

I looked up at Scott, who shrugged. "A guy was selling them on the subway and it made me think of you." He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Can I drive?" He quickly asked.

"Sure," I responded without really thinking about it. I don't mind driving but I'll always let other people drive if they offer. I hate concentrating so much on the road.

Once Scott began driving, though, I realized that we hadn't discussed a place to eat but he was driving without saying anything to me. "Where are we going?" I asked as I leaned back in the passenger seat.

"You'll see," Scott replied with a wink.

Ugh, why did he have to be so perfect right before I was about to be such a bitch? I felt bad enough about keeping this potential job a secret, but now I felt even worse. I asked him about work, hoping to fill the car ride with a pleasant discussion before arriving at our dinner destination.

"Stressful," he replied without taking his eyes off the road. He began telling me more about why it sucked and I sympathized as he tried explaining the major problems. Some of them went over my head because math is hard.

"Is your boss any better?" I asked, remembering that a couple of weeks ago his boss was making his job a lot harder than necessary.

"Yeah, he's been cutting me a lot more slack and I actually think he's realizing how unreasonable he was being."

"That's good," I replied, reaching my left hand over to his right arm and rubbing it. "You work too hard."

"Thanks," he said as he cracked a smile. "He briefly mentioned something about a promotion, but knowing him, I'm not getting my hopes up."

I sat up more in the passenger seat. "Scott, that's great," I exclaimed. "You deserve one!"

"We'll see," he said as he quickly turned toward me and smiled again. "Have you heard from Mike at all about your resume?"

My heart skipped a beat. I hadn't even thought about Mike and if he had any leads with my resume. I also wasn't ready for the conversation to be turned to me. I wondered how close we were to Scott's mystery destination.

"Um, not yet," I responded. "Maybe I'll email him tomorrow."

Scott silently nodded. "Yeah, if he can't find anything for someone as hard working and skilled as you, he doesn't deserve to make it as a recruiter."

"Aw, you're making me blush," I replied with a smile. Then, I brought up something that I had been so curious about but was too nervous to ask. "It's so strange to me that you aren't uncomfortable with my ex-boyfriend trying to get me a new job."

Scott laughed. I was glad he wasn't sensitive about the statement. "I don't know," he replied. "You're exes for a reason, right? Should I be uncomfortable?"

I smiled. "No, I hadn't thought about it that way, though," I honestly answered. "Most guys wouldn't be so cool about it."

A moment later, I knew where Scott was driving us. We were on the south shore of the island where a strip of seafood restaurants were located along the water. It was a really nice area to go when the weather got warmer.

We parked the car and began walking along the strip. We picked a nice restaurant that didn't seem to have a long wait. There was a small table near the bar that had a great view of boats going by.

"So, I wanted to tell you something," I began after ordering drinks. Scott's eyebrows went up but he just looked at me, patiently waiting. "I met this woman, Lillian, at the conference in San Francisco. Anyway, I didn't want to say anything until there was a strong possibility that it was going somewhere, but we've discussed a possible job opportunity. She works for Web Matcher."

"Caroline, that's amazing!" Scott quickly interjected. He actually got up from his seat and pulled me in for a big hug. "Wow, I'm so happy for you, babe," he continued into my neck.

"I don't have it yet," I modestly replied. "And, um, even if I get an offer, I don't know if I will take it."

"Why wouldn't you take it?" Scott asked as he settled back into his seat.

I wanted to stall so I began telling Scott about the job description.

"It sounds awesome," Scott replied, puzzled.

I looked into his eyes. "Yeah," I replied as his gaze pulled at my heart strings. "The only thing is, it's in Santa Monica."

Scott's face instantly deflated. "Oh," he began. "I see."

I slowly nodded as I looked down at my lap. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just, I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Babe, don't cry," I heard Scott say, but that only made it worse. I had to look away. Damn it, I hate crying in public!

I wiped my eyes as I saw the waiter come over with our drinks. I smiled at him and let Scott order our meals. Good thing I told him what I wanted before my cry fest.

I waited a moment, as I sipped my drink. Scott wasn't saying anything and it freaked me out. I finally looked up at him and decided to break the silence. "I don't know if I'll get it."

"You'll get it," Scott replied, meeting my eyes. "You're so smart. But, why don't we take it day by day, okay?"

I nodded. At least he didn't dump me. Day by day, Caroline.