News over Nachos

Considering my unbelievably unhealthy weekend (Beer Olympics and Sunday dinner with the Italian side of my family), I attempted to flush out my system for the next few days. I was drinking a gallon of water a day and eating protein packed meals. I told myself I would continue the pattern all week. It is swimsuit season, after all.

Wednesday afternoon, as I was consuming a dressing free salad, I received a text from Anna in the middle of my daily twitter check. She wanted to get together that night. Everyone else was free and I decided I deserved a cheat meal. I still hadn't had a solid, quality gossip session with Darlene, Anna, and Jessica in months, and after the feeling fiasco that occurred the night of the Beer Olympics, I felt a desperate need for this.

Wednesday night, we made our way to a restaurant in our town that had a special on sangria. Obviously, I was most looking forward to the sangria. I didn't know if I wanted to tell my friends about my moment with Moose. Or my phone call with Justin for that matter. Justin had been texting me a lot, but I only responded sporadically to tell him I needed space. I wasn't sure that I was completely done with him. I wanted to give him another chance, but I didn't want to dive into something with a guy who could talk to me like that. We weren't even dating yet!

We sat down in our booth and within minutes, we had a pitcher of sangria in front of us. Anna told us about a job interview she had. Darlene gave an animated recount of a fight she saw on the train. Jessica was abnormally quiet.

"Is everything okay?" I asked Jessica after finishing my first glass of sangria.

"Yeah, why wouldn't everything be?" she asked without looking up at me. Her eyes were focused on the stem of her glass.

Darlene thankfully intervened. "You are kind of quiet."

Jessica's eyes met Darlene's. "I'm good."

We sat silent for a moment. I was not about to press the issue with Jessica, but Darlene had finished two glasses before we even received our appetizers so she took the reins.

"Why can't you talk to us? We're your best friends!"

"I told you, there's nothing to discuss."

"Yeah, but you're clearly lying."

Jessica opened her mouth to speak but stopped herself. Her eyes met with Darlene's, and then with mine. She looked exhausted from arguing. She let out a sigh, finished the drink in front of her, and looked down at her hands. "I've been hanging out with Josh."

Josh was Jessica's toxic ex-boyfriend. I would even describe him as dangerous. He played mind games with her, using her affection for him as a weapon, drove past her house to make sure she was home, and even threatened to kill himself if she didn't do what he wanted. Oh, and the crazy part is, he broke up with her. We were all super relieved when they were done, but we tried not to let her know that.

After a few seconds of silence, Anna spoke. "Really?" she asked.

"Yes, really," Jessica responded. "And I knew you guys wouldn't approve, but he's been seeing a therapist and he hasn't done anything crazy. I'm just going to see how this goes."

Darlene and I made eye contact. We could not simply disapprove, because that could just push Jessica back into his arms. However, I definitely didn't want to see her go down this road.

"How long have you been seeing him?" I calmly asked, trying to mask any sense of disapproval in my voice.

At that moment, the waiter came over and set down our nachos and mozzarella sticks. He took a little too long and had a smile on his face the entire time. Read the table, dude.

Once he walked away, Jessica promptly and matter-of-factually responded. "Two weeks," she answered.

I nodded before picking up a nacho. I needed time to process everything, and I also really wanted a nacho.

"Just keep us in the loop, okay?" Darlene finally asked. "Think about why you thought we would disapprove and try to think about what kind of future you can have with him."

Jessica gave a weak smile for the first time that night. "You're right," she responded. "Do you guys want to maybe go in his pool this weekend? You can see for yourself, he is so collected and normal." I saw Anna almost choke on a mozzarella stick at the very mention of hanging out at Josh's house.

"Yeah, I'd been down," I responded. "Hey, speaking of crazy guys," I began. I figured if we could accept that Jessica was talking to Josh, maybe my friends wouldn't think Justin was that crazy. I told them the story about Justin's phone call. As I retold it, I wasn't sure how I still felt about the whole thing. I hoped for some guidance from my friends.

Unfortunately, they weren't very helpful. Jessica defended him, of course, while Darlene said I should change my phone number. (As if, I've had the same number since the tenth grade. It's mine forever). Anna thought I should get dinner with him. After all, we never even had a real date. I figured it couldn't hurt to give him one last chance. Maybe there was a reason he was in such a bad mood that night. Maybe he was just a jerk. Either way, I knew I wouldn't have the closure I wanted if I just stopped seeing him all together.

"And hey," Jessica started as she polished off the nachos, "if things go well at dinner, you should bring him to Josh's house."

"Sounds like a plan," I said with a smile. If anything, Justin would look like Gandhi next to Josh. Unless Jessica was right. Maybe Josh did change. Maybe not. I decided to leave my judgments for another day.

Misconnection

I answered my phone in Moose's kitchen.

"Hey, you," I drunkenly slurred. Justin never called me, so I didn't know what to make of an unexpected phone call.

"Hey, yourself," Justin replied. "Why aren't you answering my text messages?"

I took the phone away from my ear and opened up my messages.

"I don't have any," I responded when I put my phone back to my ear.

"I sent you a bunch," Justin snapped back. I sensed an attitude, but the beer had me feeling happy so I ignored it.

"Well, what'd they say?"

"I wanted to know what you were up to."

"I'm at a friend's house," I replied as I traced my finger along Moose's granite table top. "I could use a ride home in about an hour."

"Well, I'm free now," Justin responded. Okay, there was definitely an attitude that time.

"Okay, mister grouchy," I joked. Before I even had time to continue, Justin cut me off.

"Can I come to your friend's house?" he asked. I remained silent for a second. I could hear the commotion outside along with a loud splash. Somebody either jumped or was pushed into Moose's pool and I was extremely curious.

"Hello..." Justin went on. I hadn't even been quiet four seconds. I wasn't letting this B kill my vibe.

"Sorry, Justin, I don't think I'm free tonight," I said back. He let out a loud huff through the phone.

"Wow, okay," he said back. "I guess you don't want the best orgasm of your life."

I rolled my eyes, not that he could see. I liked having sex with Justin, the one time, but I would hardly say it was the 'orgasm of my life.' Even if it was, how dare he throw the absence of sex in my face! I was the female, after all.

"Justin, I have to go," I said in a stern voice, completely ignoring his orgasm comment.

"Ok, whatever," he responded. Wow, one night and already two 'whatevers.' I was on my way to a hat trick! For some reason, I actually began to feel a little bad and figured I should try to salvage the night in some way. As I opened my mouth to talk this out with him, I suddenly realized he was no longer on the other line. Rude.

I walked outside and found that Anna was the one who jumped in the pool. She had worn a tank top and denim shorts to the party, which she was still fully wearing when I began hysterically laughing at the sight of her in the pool. I still don't really know what motivated her to jump in, but when Moose and I made awkward eye contact, we just started laughing. It was like the conversation in his house never happened.

Moose walked over and jabbed me in the arm. "Ready to win, buddy?"

"Of course," I said back.

And for the record, we did win. Team 'Sexual Tension' takes home first place!

Beer Olympics

After a grueling week at work and zero time in the sunny weather, I was happy Friday when Moose texted me. We hadn't talked much since I saw him at the bar over the winter, but that wasn't unusual since he went to school in Queens. He wanted to have everyone over for a Saturday afternoon 'Beer Olympics.' I happily accepted.

Justin and I had been talking all week but we hadn't made plans to see each other. I like Justin but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, since I slept with him, I fear my lady hormones will influence me if I spend too much time with him. For my own good, I kept myself busy with work and GRE prepping. He seemed busy, too, so it worked out.

Saturday, the girls and I went to Moose's house. My hair was braided, because I was ready to compete. We had the same number of guys and girls, so all the girls pulled guy names out of a hat to make teams.

I picked Moose.

He came over to me and slung his arm around me. "Let's kill 'em," he said with a smile. Moose seemed so not his awkward self and I was loving it. Maybe things would stop being so weird between us.

First, Moose had organized an intricate series of beer pong match ups. Of course, since I'm really good at distracting the other team and Moose is amazing at sinking the last cup every game, we dominated here. On Long Island, if you don't regularly play beer pong over the summer, you pretty much don't exist.

Next, we started playing land mines. Considering this game involves downing whole beers, I began to stubble after we made it through this round. I persistently clutched onto Moose to stable myself and he didn't seem to mind.

Moose and I were soon in the championship round. Anna walked over to me. "What's going on between you two?" she asked as her eyes practically jumped out of their sockets.

"Nothing," I giggled, but as I retreated to the bathroom before the last round, I found Moose following me.

"Let's skip the game," he whispered behind me.

I turned to him, completely oblivious to what he meant. "No," I yelped, stomping my feet. "We're so close to winning!"

Moose brushed my hair behind my shoulder. "I don't care," he said as he moved his face closer to mine. He was inches away from me, when we both stopped at the sound of my phone ringing. I'm a pretty polite person and normally, I would ignore the call, but when I get drunk, I don't always oblige by social norms.

I inappropriately giggled and took out my phone. Justin was calling me.

"I'm sorry," I started. "I should answer."

Moose looked hurt at first. Then, annoyed. He rolled his eyes before muttering, 'whatever,' and walking away.

The call realistically prevented a catastrophe. Kissing Moose would cause serious tension.

Cuddle Time

I felt a little uncomfortable in the car with Justin as we drove to his apartment from the restaurant. What was going through his mind? Did he think I was a weirdo who couldn't sit through a decent dinner without having some sort of anxiety attack? I really didn't want him to judge me but there was no way for me to explain myself without bringing up a conversation about exes. I was so not ready to go there.

Justin didn't say anything though. As soon as we walked into his studio apartment, he asked if I wanted a glass of wine. I was starving, since we did skipped dinner, but settled for wine. I couldn't expect him to have something ready to eat since we weren't even supposed to be coming back to his place.

I sat down on his suede couch across from an old reclining chair. It was impressive enough that Justin lived on his own, since Long Island apartments are not cheap, so I didn't expect him to have matching furniture either. My guess was that he took scraps from wherever he could.

Justin brought over the wine and placed it in front of us on the cheap coffee table. He didn't even give me a chance to take a sip before pushing my hair away from my face and passionately kissing me. I leaned back and put my hands around his neck. I don't know what it was, but I already felt so comfortable around him.

Within a matter of minutes, he was pulling my shirt over my head. I began undoing his belt when he whispered in my ear.

"I knew this was what you wanted," he said, breathing loud.

I continued to kiss him as I playfully giggled. "Yes, I want this," I agreed with him.

"You couldn't even get through dinner because you wanted it so bad."

Justin began kissing my neck as I took a moment to comprehend what he just said. Is that what he thought? Did he think that I wanted to jump his bones so bad that I couldn't even sit through dinner? If so, this worked as a great cover, but did I really want him thinking that?

Before I could further consider what this statement meant, Justin lifted me off the couch. I let out a playful yelp as he carried me to his bed. For the next half hour, nobody existed but me and Justin. Our movements flowed together the same way that our conversations did. I haven't been intimate with anybody since Mike and it felt good to be reassured of the magic from a first time. Justin and I were nothing right now. We probably wouldn't even be doing this for a few more dates if it weren't for my dramatic desire to leave dinner.

Afterwards, we cuddled for a while before I asked him to drive me home. My mind was racing as I wondered where we would go from here. Eek.

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Justin and I exchanged text messages for several days before arranging to get dinner last Friday night. We live about twenty minutes apart so I suggested a restaurant right in between us. You know, to show how chill and accommodating I am.

I chose a nice, casual Italian restaurant. As I put on one of my favorite blouses (it shows off my breasts in a non slutty way while flowing over my stomach to hide my post dinner bell), I tried not to put too much pressure on this date. I mean, it had been a long time since I met a nice guy and got to know him in a normal way, without any sort of baggage getting in the way. Even if Justin wasn't Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right Now, I simply wanted to remember how exciting dating can be.

I arrived at the restaurant and Justin was already sitting on the bench outside. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek before leading me inside. There were a number of small tables inside a big, well-decorated room.

It's weird going on a first date as a millennial. Justin and I already knew so much about each other through texting and we became Facebook friends two days before. It felt like our fifth date.

"So, how was your day?" Justin awkwardly asked after the waiter brought over our menus. I was already craving spaghetti and meatballs, but the mouthwatering picture of them sealed the deal.

"Nothing exciting, I assure you," I answered. "What about yours?"

Justin worked for a big company in their IT department and while it's not the most exciting job in the world, he had a couple stories that beat out anything I had to say. He began telling me about his struggle to teach one department how to properly access their email when something else caught my attention.

It was Mike's dad and brother.

Out of all the restaurants on Long Island, why did they have to be at this one? I felt like I was truly moving on from Mike, but seeing his family made me lose my appetite.

I lost track of Justin's story, but caught the end so I was able to play it off. I laughed before looking down and playing with my silverware. I felt terrified at the idea of Mike's family seeing me across the restaurant, especially on a date.

"Is everything okay?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, yeah," I insisted. "Um, I'm just not sure I'm hungry anymore. I'm sorry." I began to blush. I felt bad but I would only further embarrass myself if I stuck around. I'd continue to feel flustered and probably blow it with Justin for good.

"You want to go back to my place?" Justin asked.

He completely caught me off guard, but when I thought about it, I did want to. Justin left money on the table for our drinks and I walked out of the restaurant with my head down.

YouTube

Most of the men in the bar were around 70-years-old, so it wasn't usually a breeding ground for budding relationships, but this kid was no more than five years older than me and as I said before, he was cute.

Darlene read my mind, nudged me, and gave me an encouragement wink. I rolled my eyes at her. I obviously wanted to talk to this guy, but I have always been terrible at approaching men. So, I just sat there. He seemed pretty preoccupied with his phone anyway.

Luckily, I wasn't the only one to pick up on this. "Look at this kid," said one of the older gentleman sitting at the bar. "Kids these days, they're always on their cell phones! Never any human interaction!" I laughed to myself and looked down at my drink. My new crush was laughing also. "You got two beautiful girls here," continued the man as he motioned to me and Darlene, "but you're sitting here on your phone!"

Now I was blushing. Then I realized that this senior citizen in a leather jacket was an angel sent from heaven. I channeled my minimal alcohol consumption into courage and managed to mutter a question. "Yeah, what're you looking at anyway?"

He looked up at me and smiled. "Just some YouTube videos, want to see?" he asked.

I nodded and walked around the bar to where he was sitting. Darlene continued drinking the and making playful small talk with the other men at the bar. I always admired her ability to interact with literally anybody in any situation when needed. Best. Wingwoman. Ever.

His name was Justin and he showed me a few YouTube videos. I had truthfully seen two already and I didn't think they were particularly funny, but I laughed anyway. Oh, what us ladies do for the possibility of love. As Justin was showing me the fourth video, a text popped up on his screen that read 'I'm here.'

Justin sighed. "My friend's here to drive me home, but it was great to meet you." Even though it was nice to meet Justin, I wasn't ready to just let him walk away. I wasn't certain that bonding over a few YouTube videos would secure me another encounter.

"I'll walk you out," I insisted with a smile. I looked over at Darlene and mouthed, 'one minute.' Once we were outside, Justin spotted his buddy's car across the parking lot.

"Well, I've never been this happy about my car breaking down before," Justin said with his hands in his pockets. "Can I see you again?"

I took a moment so I didn't seem too eager before coyly nodding. I put my number in his phone and as I handed it back to him, our hands touched. That was all it took. Justin leaded down, brushed my hair away from my face, and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

"Good night, Caroline," said Justin before walking away. Oh, it was a good night!

Room to Breathe

I plopped into the car seat and let out a heavy sigh.

"Long day?" asked Darlene with a smirk.

"Long semester," I responded as I put my head between my knees.

It truly had been. I went to school three nights a week, which wasn't too bad, but on top of a full time job it took its toll on me. The classes required a lot of readings and papers. After handing in my final paper last week, all I wanted to do was lay in my bed for days without moving.

But, I refrained. I forced myself to throw on some leggings and a long t-shirt to go with Darlene to The Shop. The Shop is a small, hole-in-the-wall bar across town. Nobody's ever really in there besides some regulars, but they serve popcorn and I never have to worry about dressing to impress there. I felt bad because I hadn't seen my friends too much over the past few weeks, so after Darlene prodded me for days, I finally agreed to go out with her.

"So what's new?" asked Darlene as she drove away from my house.

I lifted my head up and remained silent for a moment before answering. "Literally nothing," I replied. I mean, school and work kept me busy but it hadn't exactly been exciting. My love life was non existent. Mike and I hadn't talked since the coffee shop, even though I often found myself opening up a new text message to him with my fingers lingering over the keyboard. We couldn't talk, though. We both knew it was too hard. Maybe if I had time to go out or something I'd be able to meet someone new. Summer time, bring me a fling!

"What about you guys?"

"You know, same old" Darlene began with a shrug. We sat in silence for a few minutes. Wow, had things really been that boring the past few weeks?

We arrived at the bar and ordered a pitcher of beer. She started to tell me about Anna's new coaching gig and how Jessica met some guy at school.

"He's a total frat guy," Darlene said while pouring us each a glass of beer. "He's 21 and on the baseball team. I don't know what she expects to come from this."

I nodded and took a sip of my drink. It was so comfortable at The Shop. My friends would hang out here because we didn't have to worry about crowds or waiting for drinks. There was a pool table and darts for the guys. I looked around and admired the familiar, grungy scenery. Suddenly, a tall, cute guy walked through the door alone and sat down at the bar. He ordered a drink and took out his phone. Before looking down, he caught my eye and charmingly smiled at me. I smiled back.

Darlene and I had planned to have one pitcher, catch up, and be home by ten. That was the plan, until we met Justin.