Getting to the Wedding

I called Anna as soon as I got home.

"Ugh," she began. "On to the next one, Caroline. He's the worst!"

I was surprised Anna had this reaction. I was honestly expecting her to encourage me to go to the wedding. Over the past few months, I had depended on her to tell me everything I did was okay.

"Why not?" I asked as I began looking through my closet. One could argue that I had already made up my mind. "It's not like I have anything else to do that night."

Anna paused for a second. "I don't know, I wouldn't go."

I completely saw where Anna was coming from and I couldn't deny that she had a point. But that didn't stop me from throwing on a dress from my closet and agreeing to meet Mark at his place anyway.

He said we'd leave from his house together and that it was about an hour drive. He had a hotel room for the night and told me that he could change it to two twin beds if I wanted. I heard my mother's voice telling me, "that's not going to keep him from murdering you in your sleep." Even though we hadn't slept together yet, I told him one king size bed was fine. I wondered how I could casually ask why my invite was so last minute, but couldn't think of a way to phrase it.

"Hey," Mark greeted me at the front door. He kissed me on the cheek and it felt strangely familiar. "How're you? I should be ready in a few minutes if you want to come in."

I nodded and walked into his house with my overnight bag.

I sat on Mark's couch as he got ready and in that 15 minutes or so, I realized something very important.

"How was your day?" He asked as he threw some clothes out of his bedroom onto the couch I was sitting on.

"It was okay," I began as I pressed my lips together and glared at the television. "How was yours?"

"Hectic," he stated as I heard a bag zipper. "I had a bunch of errands. Oh, man! I love this commercial."

I looked at the tv and a GEICO commercial was on. "Yeah, I like this one."

"Yeah, so I had to pick up my suit from the dry cleaner. I still didn't have a card. I wanted to run to the grocery store quick, but didn't have time to go to the one I like."

"Which one is that?" I asked. Since I was still relatively new, I was always eager to hear about store recommendations.

Mark didn't answer right away. He was looking down at a shirt he had thrown on the couch to pack. He licked his finger and was trying to get a stain out. "Oh, sorry. Um, I usually try to get to Fair Market, but it's far from me."

Things began to click from that point on and our day continued to reinforce my theory. Mark wasn't really playing games; he just couldn't focus on anything. He was on a lot of dating sites (I ended up Internet stalking him with Shelby; sue me). Whenever we'd go out, he'd stare at me, like he was super focused. However, looking back, he had made a few quick comments about not wanting any distractions. Focusing wasn't easy for him and maybe that meant I just wasn't satisfying his varying needs for stimulation. I'm sure some girl could, but I felt like I'd know it by now if that girl was me.

Regardless, Mark was a nice guy. Things didn't have to abruptly end and I still felt like I could enjoy his company. Isn't that what dating is all about? Fun? At least I understood the situation a bit more.

Mark finished packing and we hopped in his car for the drive. He rapidly changed radio stations, as I would have predicted, but maintained fluid conversation. I was able to talk to him a little bit about work and how I was adjusting to California.

"Would you consider moving back to New York? You know, if they somehow offered you a position in a New York City office?"

I squirmed in my seat a bit at the thought of working in the same city as Scott. Even though there would be over eight million people around us, I didn't like the idea of running into him.

"Maybe," I replied. "I miss my family, but I'm starting to feel really comfortable here."

We arrived at the hotel and dropped our bags off in the room. We had about 20 minutes before we had to head down to the shuttle.

"Do you need anything before we head down?" Mark asked. He sure did look good in his gray suit.

I shrugged. "Nope, my clutch is packed."

"Good," he replied. Then, out of nowhere, he approached me and cupped my face. He kissed me deep. Maybe there was something to being with somebody so "spontaneous."

We made out for a few more minutes and while I impulsively wanted to do more, it was better for us to head to the lobby.

As we waited for the elevator, he squeezed my hand. "I'm glad we had some time," he said.

"Me too," I replied with a smile.

We got to the shuttle and it was almost full. There were a couple empty seats toward the front, one in front of the other. I ended up sitting next to a blond girl and he sat in front of me, next to a teenage boy.

After a few minutes, I bonded with the girl sitting next to me. We quickly bonded over the fact that we were both someone's date to this wedding. She had recently started seeing the best man and Mark had told me he grew up with the bride.

By the time the shuttle arrived, I had made a new best friend.

If He Stops Texting You

"I still feel like Martin and Erica's testimony has the most pop."

I tapped my pen against the desk. "It's well written," I agreed before peering from the computer screen up to Pete who was bouncing a soft, toy basketball against the wall. "But I don't know how relatable they are."

"Well, it's going to make guys want to join; that's for sure."

I laughed. Of course, this particular testimony would make men want to join. Martin was roughly 40 years old and Erica, with her long blonde highlights and huge cans, was 28. The age difference was fine, but the picture just screamed 'gold digger' to me. "Don't you think it kind of sends the wrong message?"

Now it was Pete's turn to laugh. "Darling," he began and I cursed the feeling that gave my stomach. "The picture alone? Yes, it sends the wrong message. But the testimony is great. It shows they really care about each other."

I sighed. He was right. It was the best testimony we'd received in 2 months, when Pete asked me to help him with this project.

"Okay, fine," I replied. "But I'm taking it over to graphics to see if they can reduce the orange in her skin and make him look less like her sugar daddy."

"That's why you're number one," Pete replied as he resumed throwing the ball against the wall. "You're always thinking."

As I stood up from the chair, my phone dinged in my pocket. I nearly jumped before quickly grabbing for it. I sighed when I saw it was just my mom asking me if she could move some boxes in my room.

"I know that look," Pete replied and when I looked over at him, he was staring at me with that smug grin.

"What?" I asked.

"That look of disappointment," Pete elaborated. "You're expecting a text from someone else, aren't you?"

I let out a deep breathe. Over the past few weeks, Pete and I had grown more and more comfortable with each other. While I still found him intimidating, and hot as sin, we worked together so often that he didn't make me that nervous anymore. I still avoided discussions about my personal life when I could, though. That's something that I generally don't like to talk about at work except with a few select people and I find it odd when people are so open to all their coworkers about every detail of their lives. I'm not alone here, right?

But he was right (again). I was waiting for a text from Mark, who had quickly became the most confusing man I had ever started seeing.

"Well, kind of." Pete peered at me and waited for elaboration. I let out another deep breathe before spilling the details. "I mean, I went out with this guy twice and things went really well. He was texting me every day, but wasn't asking for a third date. Then he stopped texting me as much, so I kind of gave up. I would text him once and a while, too, because I thought maybe he was waiting for me to text him." Once I started telling Pete, I found myself unable to stop.

Pete cut me off there, though. "That's not a thing."

I rolled my eyes. "What do you mean 'that's not a thing?'"

"If a guy likes you, he'll continue texting you. He's not going to test the situation and see if you text him. If he stops texting you, well..." Pete didn't finish his sentence and seemed to soften up a bit. It was clear he didn't want to be the one to break the news to me.

"Okay, yes," I frantically began as I moved from around the desk to the front of it and sat against it. "But here's where it gets confusing. We wouldn't talk for a few days and then he'd text me, super interested again."

Pete shrugged.

"Things were fine again for a few days and he even asked me to hang out again. So we went for a walk at the beach and got ice cream."

"You're right. He's going to propose." If Pete hadn't smiled when he said that, I would've been so annoyed. Why was it impossible for me to get mad at him?

"I'm not saying that," I replied. "It's just, I don't know. I know it's early and I should just move on, but every time I tell myself I'm completely done with the games, he texts me and is super sweet and normal. So, he said he wanted to do something this weekend and that he would text me, but it's Wednesday and so far, nothing."

Pete walked past me and behind his desk. "It sounds like you're pretty self aware," he began. "As long as you stay focused on the facts of the situation, I'm sure you'll be okay." He opened his bottom drawer and grabbed a few dollars from his wallet. "I'm going for coffee. You want anything?"

I shook my head no and told him I would catch him later, once the graphic's department did something with the picture.

As I sat back at my own desk, I pondered Pete's thoughts. He was telling me everything I already knew, but why couldn't I shake this desire to continue seeing Mark? Was it because I needed validation after my break up and I liked the chase?

So I swore that the next day, I would go back on WebMatch and find another date. I never deleted the profile, but I had stopped regularly checking it.

While I was picking up a sushi dinner for one to reward myself after a hard day of work, I got a text. The text. This time, I had thought it was my mom, or an alert about my data usage.

"Hey, sorry, it's been a crazy few days." Three dots appeared under that. "Would you like to be my date to a wedding this Saturday?"

It still isn't home

"Peggy's going to be pissed," Shelby stated as she pulled a strand of string cheese off with her fingers and shoved it into her mouth.

"It was a last minute thing," I replied with a shrug. "He just felt bad for me."

Shelby leaned back in her chair and squinted her eyes at me. There was a long pause before she spoke. "I can't figure him out. What was his angle inviting you out? Did he try anything?"

"No!" I exclaimed almost a little too loud. I quieted my voice before continuing. "It wasn't like that. There's nothing to 'figure out.'"

I waited almost a full week to come clean to Shelby. It felt weird keeping my night out with Pete a secret. Now, I kind of wish I had.

Pete didn't bring the night up and neither did I. It was kind of a thrill having this little secret, though that thrill put thoughts in my mind that I would've rather repressed, such as how hot a different secret between us could be...

"Besides," I continued to Shelby. "I'm going out with that guy again."

"Really?" Shelby asked.

I narrowed my eyes at her and immediately got defensive. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know," Shelby continued as she uncomfortably shifted her body weight. Maybe I was being too mean. "You didn't seem that excited by him."

I sighed. "I mean, I honestly wasn't," I replied. "But he called, he was polite, he seems like somebody I could really like."

I had talked to Anna about my first experience with online dating, which felt like so long ago now but was really less than two weeks ago. I whined to her that I wasn't ready to date and she smacked me with some tough love.

"Just put yourself out there," she aggressively replied. "Even if it's just a distraction, you need to be meeting guys. Otherwise, I know you're going to stalk Scott on social media and drool over your boss from afar. This isn't a negotiation, Caroline. Trust me here."

I knew she was right, so when Mark, the teacher that I got coffee with, texted me saying that he had a great time and he wanted to take me out to dinner soon, I agreed without much hesitation.

It was Fall at this point, but in California, I wasn't wearing any of my usual Fall clothing. I threw on a floral dress and ordered an Uber to take me to a tapas restaurant Mark had suggested.

Mark was waiting at the bar with a barely touched beer in his hand. "Hey, you," he greeted me with a kiss on my cheek. "Wanna see if our table's ready or have a drink first?"

I shrugged and my stomach almost simultaneously growled. I prayed he didn't hear it as I replied, "I'm ready to sit if that's good with you." Why couldn't I shake this unnecessary trait of never wanting to just say what I actually want instead of trying to be as agreeable as possible?

"Let's see if the table's ready," he responded before making his way to the hostess stand. He told her we had a reservation before giving his last name. Perfect. Now I had his last name for social media stalking purposes.

"Right this way," she said.

We sat down in at a small table. They were all really close together but luckily nobody else was at the adjacent table yet. We ordered a round of drinks as soon as the waiter came by.

"So, how was your day?" Mark asked with a relaxed smile. How can anybody be so relaxed on a date?

"It was okay," I replied. "Boring," I added, with a laugh. It was the truth. Sure, I love California, but it still isn't home. I had my routine on Saturdays: wake up, take a walk to the beach by myself, and then go grocery shopping and run any other errands I had. "Yours?"

"Good!" He replied. "I got some home improvements done that were long overdue."

"Right," I began. "I forgot you have a house. How do you like the suburbs?"

Mark laughed before diving into a semi-rambuncious rant about how he loves his space and everything is too crowded in the city. "Maybe next time we get together, I can cook you dinner and show you the beauty of my little neighborhood."

I smiled as I felt my cheeks getting red. "I'd like that," I replied. At this point, I still wasn't sure if I wanted to see him again, but I wasn't lying when I said I'd like to see his home. I still hadn't seen nearly enough of this place.

We ordered dinner and our conversation continued with ease. While I was nervous, I found it really easy to talk to Mark. I never really realized how important that was until I first broke up with my first boyfriend and experienced the discomfort of silence on a first or second date. Flowing, easy conversation is so essential. I figured Mark would be a good way for me to "test the waters" of online dating, but maybe I would get luckier than that.

Mark paid the bill and then asked if I wanted to grab a drink at another bar. I agreed. It was a little too early to end the night there.

After another glass of wine, I was ready to call it a night. I told Mark I was going to order an Uber. He offered to take me home, but I was still somewhat uncomfortable with the idea.

"I completely understand," he replied. "Let me wait with you outside."

We stood on the curb as I waited for the Uber. "I had a really great time tonight, Caroline."

I began to feel butterflies as I knew what was about to happen. "Me too."

With that, he reached a hand down below my chin and lifted up my face to kiss me.

I was back in the game.

I'm not Liam Hemsworth

The first friend I met was Dan. He was definitely the most attractive, but I got the odd feeling that he was much more of a stud in college. He seemed to be about fifteen to twenty pounds overweight, which I'm sure he wasn't during his glory days on the lacrosse team.

Dan, along with Pete's other friends, Pat, Joe, and Bobby, were all very welcoming to me as Pete introduced me. "You don't seriously let this guy boss you around, do you?" Joe asked.

Bobby laughed next to him before joining in. "I'll show you some pictures from college that you can use as blackmail."

I smiled and nodded, praying my expression didn't look as fake as it felt. "He's a good boss," I replied, like the loyal employee I am. Was that all I was now, though? It was starting to feel like we were more like, dare I say, friends.

Pete, who had been quietly allowing his friends to talk shit about him, finally stepped in. "You won't get her to turn on me, guys. Nice try." Then, he leaned down and whispered, "I'm sorry about them. I hope you have a good time tonight."

Maybe my unconscious mind took Pete's advice a little too far, because for some reason, I let his friends convince me at one point to take a shot. And then another. And a couple more just to be safe. Maybe it's because I was so boring in the comfort of a relationship, but I just wasn't able to drink like I used to.

I remember going to the bathroom and realizing exactly how drunk I was as the stall spun around me. The night was growing fuzzy. It was best to stop drinking. I reminded myself that I was here with my boss.

I went to a different side of the bar and leaned over when a female bartender asked me what I wanted.

"Can I just get water?" I asked. "And if I ask you for vodka later, I just want water.”

She winked at me and displayed an 'okay' hand gesture. I'm sure she got that request a lot.

As I waited for my drink, I felt a hand around my waist and I immediately pulled back.

"Woah, woah!" Dan responded as he pulled his hands back, all innocent.

"Hey," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"You shouldn't be walking around by yourself. Some slimy guy is going to try and kidnap you. I mean, I can try and protect you, but I'm no Liam Hemsworth."

I scrunched up my face, confused for a moment, before I started laughing. "You mean Liam Neeson?"

Dan shrugged. "The Taken guy," he replied. "Anyway, you want to dance?"

I looked around. I didn't see Pete anywhere, so I said sure. I was drunk enough and the DJ was playing good music.

We found a spot among the crowd and started innocently dancing. There were so many people around that I kept getting pushed closer to him. He definitely didn't mind as he took advantage of every bump to try and place his hands on a different part of me. While I would never admit this, it felt good to feel desired. Plus, Dan was kind of cute; you know, in a douchey way.

"We should totally hang out after this," Dan screamed in my ear, but I could still barely hear him over the music.

"Maybe," I said with a smile.

He cocked his head back and pretended to laugh. Then, he pulled me closer before continuing to dance.

I pushed off him, trying to play it off as playful. Why did I feel compelled to play off his disgusting behavior, anyway? Ugh, feminism fail.

I was about to continue dancing, so I could literally shake the whole thing off, when I felt the crowd get even smaller. This time, however, the presence felt familiar.

“What’s going on here?” Pete’s yelled toward us. Again, the yelling was only necessary because of how loud the music was.

“Nothing, dude,” Dan replied. His voice was relaxed, but his body language said something else. He seemed very threatened by Pete’s sudden appearance. “You want another beer?” He asked, holding up his own empty one.

Pete shook his head before Dan wiggled his way through the crowd. I was still bopping up and down. Besides the minor physical invasion, I really was having a good time. “Thanks again for inviting me out,” I screamed up at Pete. He did not seem to be enjoying the music.

Pete nodded and smiled, but he seemed somewhat deflated. “Can we go outside for a second?”

I shrugged before nodding. It would be nice to get out of the crowded, smothering bar.

When I stepped outside, it was nice to suddenly be able to hear and breathe again. I took a deep breathe in, but my exhale wasn’t even complete before Pete began talking.

“Look,” he started. “Dan’s not a nice guy. He’s my friend and everything, but I need to know you’re not going to disappear with him anywhere.”

I obviously had an idea of what Pete was talking about, but I acted shocked. “I was with him for like, five minutes. Nothing was happening.”

“I know,” Pete replied, visibly agitated. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Caroline,” Pete sternly responded. “I’m trying to be a friend here.

Friend. That actually made me genuinely smile. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know you are. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

I exaggerated a heavy sigh before filling the silence with words. “I actually think I’m going to head out. Thank you again for inviting me.”

“Of course,” Pete responded before pulling me in for a hug. It was one of those hugs that lingered on for just a moment longer than a ‘friend’ hug should last. As much as I hate to admit it, it sent chills down my spine. Definitely good chills.

Three Dots

I pulled at the hem of the dress. “Anna, this is too much,” I replied as I turned around to see how it looked from the back.

“No, it’s not,” Anna replied over Skype as she took another bite of her sandwich. “If I had the curves you have, I’d walk around in lingerie outside.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Please,” I replied before looking down at the dress again. I found it in a box of stuff I had in my closet. For some reason, it had made the trip to California, even though I had never worn it and didn't plan on it. It was short with a deep plunge in the front that made it impossible to wear a bra with it. "This looks like something Jwoww would've worn on the first season of The Jersey Shore."

"I still don't see your point," Anna replied, now popping a potato chip into her mouth. "You're on the rebound. If you can't be slutty now, who knows when you'll get another chance."

I laughed as I walked out of Anna's view and over to my closet. "It's not like I'm hooking up with anyone tonight."

"Right," Anna responded, dragging out the word. "Your hot boss invited you to go out drinking with him and you're not going to end up in his bed."

"Anna!" I exclaimed as I pulled out a lace mini skirt that I thought would work with a button down, sleeveless top I had. "I cannot sleep with my boss. Nor do I want to." Only the second part of that announcement was partially a lie.

“You need to start having fun, Caroline,” Anna replied, taking on a more serious, pitying tone.

She was right. I had called her the night before, Thursday, sniffling back tears. She comforted, but also gave it to me straight. That’s why she is my best friend. “And I’m coming there next weekend,” she said as we wrapped up our conversation. “Keep your mind busy by planning something fun for us.”

I told her I would as we said our goodbyes. I had called her after my conversation with Scott through text.

When I got home from work, after being distracted by Pete’s invitation to go out with him and his friends, I finally decided to text Scott back. “Hey, how’s it going?” It was a simple statement that took me all day to land on.

I saw three dots almost immediately appear. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and I hated feeling that way. Fuck this guy. I didn’t want his butterflies anymore.

It made me feel a little better that even though he was going to respond right away, I didn’t actually receive a response for an hour. “I’m good. You?”

I rolled my eyes. What was with the small talk? I responded right away. “I’m okay, lol” I thought the, ‘lol’ made it a little softer.

“I just wanted to check in with you,” he responded.

“Thanks,” I wrote back. It took all the restraint I had not to start writing a paragraph to him. There was so much I wanted to talk to him about. I missed just sharing my day with him. However, I’ve been in this situation before. No good comes from continuing to chat with an ex. It’s better to quickly rip the Band-Aid off, as one would say.

“I miss you, baby.” It was all I wanted to hear since we broke up. Regret. My heart began to race. “This nightmare is over,” I thought to myself. But I knew things couldn’t just fall back into place like that.

“Really?” I asked.

Three dots appeared and then disappeared. That happened again. My mind couldn’t take the anticipation.

“Yeah,” he wrote back before three more dots appeared again.

“But I know this is for the best.”

That’s when the tears came. I like to think I would have told him no if he asked me to get back together. That’s what I like to think. However, in that moment, I cannot say what I would have done for sure. All I know is that feeling like I had a chance, then having that opportunity taken away, was more than I was equipped to handle after the long day I already had.

That’s when I called Anna. We had set up the Skype session for the next day, hours before I was scheduled to take a bus to meet Pete and his friends.

Anna approved my skirt when I paired it with my white, sheer top and white heels. “You look hot, but not like you’re trying too hard,” she said.

“Thanks,” I replied with a modest smile.

Soon, I was exiting the bus outside of the bar where Pete told me to meet him. I took a deep breath as I flattened my skirt against my legs and walked toward the bouncer with my ID out. It was a constant reminder that I was, indeed, from New York, and not California.

I looked around the bar for a moment before spotting Pete. It wasn’t hard, since he easily towered over other people. I walked over to the bar, deciding I needed a drink before saying hello to him and meeting his friends.

As the bartender handed me my drink, I held out a ten-dollar bill. At that moment, I felt a hand grabbing my arm and instantly jumped. “Oh my God,” I muttered under my breath when I realized who it was and put my hand to my chest.

“Put it on my tab,” Pete said to the bartender with a smile. He nodded and moved over to the register before moving on to his next customer. “Caroline, I thought you would’ve texted me.”

“I figured I’d grab a drink first,” I said with an innocent smile. “But you caught me,” I continued before taking a sip of my drink.

Pete laughed. “Come on,” he said, motioning his hand. “Meet my friends."

Never Stop Thinking About Him

It really is true; the moment you stop thinking about him is the moment he will decide to pop back into your life somehow. I expected Scott to reach out to me, but that expectation disappeared after a week of radio silence. Sure, it made sense, but I was really hoping that things magically went back to the way they were after a few days. Maybe he'd tell me that he was abducted by aliens and they did experiments on his brain. To be honest, I would've accepted any excuse if he had just called and said he wanted me back.

I know. You are all allowed to take a fat magic marker and write, 'DESPERATE' across my forehead, but I missed Scott like crazy the first couple weeks. And while I still loved him after going on my first post break up date, I knew I couldn't go back to him. Besides, I really liked California, especially now that my friends at home were bitching about the cold and I was wearing sundresses to work on Casual Fridays. It was time for me to establish myself out here a little and that included dating.

So, yeah, my heart skipped a beat when I saw I had a new text message from him on my phone. A million things went through my mind. What could possibly be his opening line after not reaching out to me for a month? Did he want me back? Did he know I was literally just on a date? You know they get a sense when we're moving on.

It was simple. "Hey." I put my phone away after reading it without even thinking about whether I was going to respond or not. I was going back to work and I'd figure it out later.

I got back to work and sat down at my desk. I actually did have a lot of work to do and planned on staying until 6 or 7 to catch up on some. Shelby and Peggy had different plans.

My butt barely made contact with the seat before I saw both their heads pop into my cubicle. I wanted to be nice, but the last thing I wanted to do was comply to answering their questions.

"He was nice," I said with a half smile before they even had a chance to say anything. "He said he wanted to set something up for next week, so we'll see if that pans out."

"We're you not into him?" Peggy hesitantly asked. They seemed to pick up on my mood and I felt really bad for being so short with them.

I quickly confessed that Scott had texted me after the date and that it kind of just threw my mood off. "I'm sorry, guys. I really just want to get back to work and not think about it. I promise to bring in coffees early tomorrow morning and we can talk then. Sound good?"

They both agreed and didn't seem too bothered by it. I'm trying to be more direct with people about my needs. The old Caroline would've sat there and cheerfully answered all their questions just to please them, while secretly wanting to crawl under my desk and bang my hand on the floor. Maybe if I had been more direct with Scott, I wouldn't be going on uncomfortable first dates.

I put my phone in my bag and swore I wouldn't look at it until I was ready to make my way home.

It was getting late and I was finishing up the last of my work when I heard someone clear his throat behind me. I nearly jumped out of my seat, before turning around and seeing, who else? Pete.

"Hey, number one," Pete said with a smile as he leaned against the wall of my cubicle. Pete had gotten into the habit of calling me, "number one," because my customer ratings and match successes were still currently the highest. I know, I'm a super star. I was just glad he didn't hunt down the employee with the second highest numbers and call him or her, "number two."

"Hi," I replied. "I swear, I'm heading home soon." Pete had been teasing me about staying at work too late the past few weeks. Little did he know that I did it to keep myself from crying in my apartment while eating eating raw cookie dough straight from the giant jug I bought.

"I just don't want you to burn out," he said with a laugh. "I hope you have fun plans this weekend."

I shrugged. "I don't know," I replied before trying to politely turn back to my work. "You?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Eh, might go meet up with some buddies tomorrow," he casually replied. "You haven't been taking off at all to go to New York. Everything all right?"

I felt the lump in my throat forming. A small part of me hoped that Pete had seen my online dating profile and connected the dots. I mean, it was kind of his job to be on the website. I knew that was unlikely, though. I just really hated having to tell people that Scott dumped me.

"Yeah," I replied, trying to sound as normal as possible. "But Scott and I are 'taking some space,'" I said as I put the last several words in air quotes. I still wasn't ready to admit that we were completely over and even if we were, Pete didn't need to know the full story just yet.

Pete didn't give one of his signature laughs. He was silent for a moment before saying, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

I turned and said, "thanks," and I meant it.

"Okay," Pete said as he shifted his body and stretched out a bit. "Well, in that case, you're coming out with me tomorrow night."

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, it'll be fun," he replied. "Look sharp and I'll see you tomorrow."

Jumping Into The Water

"How are you almost 25 years old, in 2015, and you haven't tried online dating?" Shelby asked, more stunned than annoyed. "And how," she continued, "have you worked here and not thought to try out the product."

I shrugged as I picked at my boring turkey sandwich in the cafeteria. "I was dating Scott for almost a year. And before that, I had thought about it, but I don't know." I really didn't have a good answer other than never two it wanting to put myself out there. "Isn't it kind of scary?" I asked.

Shelby frantically shook her head. "Not at all," she replied. "It's kind of exciting. I thrive on the rush." I never realized that Shelby was such a fan of online dating, but apparently it was her main source of social entertainment. "Promise me that you'll try it at least once."

I slowly nodded, still hesitant. "Okay, I'll definitely give it a try."

When I told Anna about my new challenge over the phone later that day, she practically screamed with excitement. "I always told you to try it!"

I rolled my eyes, even though she clearly couldn't see me. "Yeah, but I was with Scott. Plus, you only boned guys from Tinder. I wouldn't classify you as an online 'dater.'"

"Once you realize that there's no stigma anymore, you'll totally love it," she continued. "Plus, I met Charlie on Tinder, so I still got to the same end point. I just had a lot more fun along the way."

I nodded to myself. "Maybe I just need to screw a bunch of guys until one is dumb enough to date me," I joked. "And I don't think there's a stigma," I elaborated. "Peggy made the same comment to me. I think it's great that people date online and I wish I was more comfortable with it, but it makes me so nervous."

"Why?" Anna asked.

"At least when I meet a guy in a bar or through mutual friends, I get a feel for his presence. I know right away if he's awkward and what he actually looks like. What if I meet a guy from online and he's strange or I'm simply uncomfortable around him?"

Anna laughed. "Then you tried and you'll have a great story!"

Anna's words comforted me and while I didn't tell Shelby that it was actually Anna who convinced me to take the plunge, I don't think I would've had the guts if Anna's last statement wasn't replaying in my head.

So, with the help of Shelby and Peggy, I made my first dating profile. I didn't want to fill out the information, but they insisted. "Hello, you fucking work here," Shelby said quietly over my shoulder as I sat at my computer pouting. "You should know better than anybody that the more full profiles get more traffic."

It was true. Not only did I know that tidbit of information, but I was constantly going over information about what made certain individuals more successful at online dating than others. I also spent a lot of time talking to men and women about what they were looking for in a partner. I had this incredible advantage, but why was it so hard to use this knowledge for my own personal happiness?

So I schedule a date. He works as a high school teacher in a neighborhood right outside Santa Monica. We quickly bonded over a mutual love for Harry Potter and within a few exchanges, he asked if I'd be interested in meeting. I was hesitant, figuring that simply talking to guys online was a comfortable dipping of my toe in the pool, but I knew I had to eventually take the plunge. Why not just jump right in without stressing about it?

I agreed to meet him on a Thursday around 4 for coffee. I kind of wished we were meeting for an actual drink, but this meeting was perfect. I told him that I had to go back to work after our meeting, so I had an easy out if the date was a bust.

I arrived at the coffee shop two minutes ahead of schedule. I saw him sitting down, looking at his phone, and before I even had my hand on the door, he looked up. We made eye contact and I tried my hardest to give him a genuine, care free smile. On the inside, I was freaking out.

"Hey," I said when I walked in. He mimicked the word back to me as we mutually went in for a friendly hug. This was one of the things I wasn't sure about the etiquette on. I had asked Anna earlier in the day how I should greet him. He was essentially a stranger, but a stranger that I had been flirting with for almost a week now. She assured me that it wouldn't be awkward and, so far, it wasn't.

He had ordered me a coffee and I thanked him for it. We began to make small talk as I went to pick up my coffee cup. My hand was shaking so much and I prayed he didn't notice. Why was I so nervous? It was a simple date.

We talked about our jobs and past schooling a bit; nothing too deep, but it was nice to sit down in person with him so I could get a feel for who he actually was, besides a expressionless conversation partner on my computer screen.

It was nice and our conversation seemed to flow relatively well. After about 50 minutes, the alarm I set went off and I told him that I unfortunately had to head back to work.

"It was really nice to meet you, Caroline," he said to me with a hug outside the coffee shop as we went our separate ways.

I agreed and the date was over. I didn't think my heart could speed up any faster, until I looked down at my phone.