The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

"Sounds to me like he bored you to the point where you almost passed out."

I rolled my eyes at Pete. "I think I was just dehydrated. I didn’t drink enough water that day and I was exhausted. Don't tell me this job isn't making you weak." I had just told Pete about my second date with Tom and in his typical, "big brother teasing" way, he had to rip on me for it. I was quick to point out that we had both been extremely stressed at work, especially with Larson in and out of the office all the time.

"I'm just saying," he replied with a shoulder shrug as he closed a Manila folder and threw it on top of a pile of others. "Don't you think passing out is a sign this guy is not, I don't know, stimulating enough for you?"

I laughed. “Stimulating?” I asked with a sarcastic smile. “When was the last time you stopped dating a girl because she wasn’t stimulating enough for you?”

Pete laughed. “I’m going to choose not to respond to that, because I don’t think you’d appreciate the direction I take that question.”

I sat puzzled for a moment before I realized he was making a sexual joke. “You’re so stupid,” I jokingly responded before picking up a soft stress ball he had on his desk and tossing it at his head.

“Whoa, Caroline,” Pete sarcastically replied before picking up the stress ball and narrowing his eyes at me. “This is a professional work environment and I’d appreciate if you acted accordingly.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, I’m so sick of this ‘professional environment.’ This meeting with Larson on Friday is not going to go well.”

“Not with that attitude,” Pete jokingly responded. “Come on, it won’t be that bad. Larson just wants us to be as profitable as possible, which isn’t a bad thing.”

“I totally get being concerned about the ‘bottom line,’ Pete, but he won’t listen to any of our data or customer feedback research! Online dating is as accessible as ever and virtually everyone is utilizing it. With all the free apps out there, we need to focus on what makes us unique. He just wants us to be as cost effective as possible, but if we ignore our customers wants, they’re not going to continue paying for us.”

“I know, Caroline, I just don’t get why you let yourself get so worked up. He’s pretty reasonable when you approach him in a rational way.”

I let out a sigh. “He’s reasonable when you talk to him. When I try to show him anything I’m working on, he completely dismisses me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman or because I haven’t been here for as long as everyone else or if it’s just my personality, but I really feel like he hates me.”

“Caroline, as a fellow psychology graduate, let me remind you of something called the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy.’ Maybe your anxiety that he hates you is making you all nervous around him and that’s causing him to, well, not like you as much as other employees.”

I bit my lip. “Whatever it is, I’m totally going to get fired during the next round of lay offs.”

“We don’t even know if those are coming,” Pete responded, but I knew they were. Pete and I had become pretty close while I was in California. While I had made some friends through fitness classes and with other coworkers, I still spent most of my time talking to Pete. We even spent time together outside of work pretty regularly. So, I knew when something was up. He told me that he didn’t know of any lay offs coming, but whenever it came up, he avoided eye contact with me and didn’t make any of his stupid, usual jokes.

But so what if lay offs were coming? Sure, I loved my job, but it had been really stressful lately. I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about finding a new job. I browsed job listings and LinkedIn somewhat often to see if anything popped out at me. I even thought about moving back home. California had been great, but the whole reason I moved here was for this job and I hadn’t made a real life for myself outside of that. I’m just so indecisive that it’s hard for me to ever know what I actually want.

Which brings me back to Tom. After my second date with Tom, we were texting pretty much all day every day. He’d text me every morning and if he was going to be out of the office working, he’d let me know that he’d be out of contact for a few hours. It was such a small, seemingly insignificant gesture, but with all the flakey guys out there who would start texting me and then all of a sudden disappear for three days because they were ‘busy,’ it was nice to be seeing somebody who was so straightforward.

I thought about everything that I had gone through with guys in the last couple years; serious relationships that I thought could end in marriage, ridiculous men who I talked to on dating sites that made me want to give up on dating all together, and guys who I felt a real connection with before they seemingly disappeared to another planet.

I have to say, though, through it all, I was feeling pretty positive. Maybe it was because the new year had just started. Maybe it was because I had met Tom and things were going well. Maybe it was because I was living on my own, across the country, and I hadn’t completely fallen apart while being independent. Whatever it was, I felt good. A calm optimism had washed over me and even though the uncertainty of my work caused me some worry, I still felt confident that 2017 would be my year, regardless of where it took me.

Posts Resuming This Summer!

Hello, everyone!

For those you still checking (which I hope is some), I'm excited to finally be able to say that I'll be resuming a regular posting schedule this summer!

While I've had a crazy schedule these last several months, I've also had a lot of ideas for this blog that I just wasn't able to dedicate the time to writing. However, with things slowing down this summer, I'll finally be able to turn those ideas into posts for you all to read (and hopefully enjoy)!

I wanted to a have a few posts ready before I announced coming back, but now that I'm feeling comfortable with where I am, I'm going to post Tuesdays and Thursday mornings for the next several weeks. The thing is, I don't think I'll be able to maintain that schedule (or any regular posting) when September comes and things pick up again. So, I kind of see this as a good news/bad news situation.

The good news is, I'll be giving you all a wrap up of sorts to Caroline's story by the end of these postings! The bad news is this might be a permanent end to Caroline's story. I feel like it's been a long time coming and I kind of wish I had given you all a proper ending a long time ago instead of having these huge gaps, but I guess I never really wanted to or knew what an appropriate end would be. There is always the small chance I'll come back, but I think if I do, it would be for short spans of time to tell one kind of story arc. Or, I've thought about starting something completely new. Again, I don't want to make any promises or commitments I can't keep, but I'll give you more of an update at the end of these postings.

If you have any questions or thoughts (even things that you'd like to read about!), please feel free to email me or contact me on Twitter (@cranberryvodka9)! The first post will be going up July 4th at 9am! Happy 4th of July, everyone!

-- C

New Year, New Man

It was January 3, 2017 and it was surprising, but I had a date.

I had kind of fallen out of my "seeing what's out there," phase after so many promising young men just didn't work out for one reason or another. Plus, work got super busy and I couldn't really focus my attention on keeping my job AND finding a boyfriend. 2017 had to be different, though. My sister had made fun of me while I was home and when she called me a "spinster in training," I really didn't have a comeback.

I know there's nothing wrong with being single, but I still owed it to myself to at least have some fun. At least, that's what I told myself, even though my version of fun is staying at home with a bag of pita chips and watching HGTV. I will say, my tiny apartment looks absolutely amazing, since my weeknights and weekends in the fall were basically consumed with working out or decorating.

But to get back to the point, I was making good on my resolution only 3 days into the New Year. I made arrangements with a nice young man through an app. I decided not to go with WebMatch because even though my membership was free, it made me feel a little better to not be indirectly supporting Mr. Larson.

My new suitor, Tom, suggested a wine bar that I had actually been to. I got to the restaurant five minutes early, parked my car, and began fixing my make up when I heard my phone beep. He was waiting in front of the restaurant for me.

I don't know about anyone else, but first meetings still make me overly anxious. I don't know how people can be so calm about meeting someone for a first date. I can rationalize it, but it still makes me incredibly uneasy. It's probably why I'm so picky about who I actually let take me out.

The first thing I noticed about Tom was that he looked shorter than his pictures. I was wearing heels and ended up being almost his height. I'm not a height snob or anything, but it threw me off. I also noticed that he really didn't look like his pictures. I mean, I found him extremely attractive, but it didn't feel like I was meeting the Tom from online. He had short brown hair, brown eyes, and a great smile.

I didn't take this as a bad sign or anything, even though I've had friends who would completely discredit a guy who didn't fit their expectations, but it's something I often wonder about my own pictures. I know I post my best ones, but do they actually look like me? I don't think I'll ever know.

We sat down at a high top table right in front of the bar and a waiter came over relatively quick. We both ordered wine before getting into the typical, interview like questions you ask on a first date. What do you do? Where did you go to school? What side of the bed do you like? (Obviously kidding on that last one).

Conversation flowed pretty well and when it came time to order another round, he turned to me and said, "it's up to her."

"Sure, I could have another glass."

Tom told me about his job as a conservative biologist. He worked for the government and it all sounded very interesting. It was really nice being out with someone who not only did something he was passionate about, but he was also making a difference. The more he spoke about it, the more I could see the passion in his eyes. After I was about halfway through with the second glass, I started feeling a little buzzed, but it only made the date better.

"Well, I think I should be heading home," I finally said after my second glass was done. "We both have work in the morning."

Tom looked at me and smiled. "Yeah, I'll have to take you out again on a weekend."

I felt my cheeks getting red as I tried to keep myself from smiling too wide. "I'd like that."

After he paid the check, Tom walked me to my car. I had butterflies when we were a few feet away from my car, wondering if he'd kiss me or not. I'd be okay if he didn't, since he already told me he'd like to take me out again, but I was really hoping he went for it.

And he did. He kissed me softly as he wrapped his arm around me and placed his hand on my lower back. I didn't even care that we were standing there, making out, in a public parking lot. I didn't want to stop kissing him.

I was excited for our second date. This time, we went out to dinner. Our conversational topics broadened and I felt like we were moving at a good pace. About halfway through dinner, though, I started to feel lightheaded. He was talking about something that happened with his friends and I kept telling myself to just nod. I thought it would pass, but it didn't.

I don't know what happened next, but it felt like I blinked a few times and then Tom was in my face, on my side of the booth, looking terrified, with a huge glass of water in his slightly shaky hand. A concerned bus boy was scratching his head behind Tom.

"Caroline, are you okay?" He asked.

"Um, yeah, I think so," I replied as I weakly reached up for the glass. It just then occurred to me that I really hadn't drank any water that day.

"We were talking and you just fainted," Tom replied.

The only thing worse than how I physically felt was how I psychologically felt. What a way to make an impression on a new guy?

So I was glad when he still texted me the next day.

It's Not Easy

"I don't know why I even got a Christmas tree," I sighed as I wrapped up the last ornament to pack away.

"You were trying to be in the holiday spirit," Shelby replied as she picked up her wine glass. "It was well intended." She finished her glass and I saw her pouring herself a hefty second glass out of the corner of my eye.

I shrugged. "Yeah, it's a bummer packing it up, though."

"It might have something to do with you packing it up on December 23rd."

She had a point, but what else was I supposed to do? I was going home in the morning and wasn't going to be back until after New Years. I didn't need a tree rotting away while I was gone.

"Enough about me throwing away my time and money on this stupid thing," I replied. "How're things with you? How's the job search going?"

Shelby took a long sip before answering, though I felt the amount of wine she was drinking was an indication of the answer. "Okay," she finally replied with a sigh. "I have an second interview with a place this week and I could start right after New Years if things go well."

"That's awesome!" I responded with a smile. I was genuinely happy for her. Mr. Larson, the jerk face executive who I first encountered as a rude airplane traveler, had been at our branch of WebMatch in Santa Monica for months now and none of the employees had any idea when he was going to leave. There were apparently a lot of internal adjustments going on in the company that were out of my lower level awareness, but what I did know was that they laid off about half of my department the Friday after Thanksgiving. Shelby was one of the employees to be let go and I felt so awful, while also being thankful that I still had my job. But for how much longer?

"Yeah," Shelby replied with an unenthusiastic nod. "I don't know, though. I've been thinking about going back to school." She began telling me about how she had always wanted to be a lawyer, but couldn't stand the thought of three years of law school. "There's a program for paralegals and I applied this morning."

"I loved school, so I'm always a big supporter of anybody going back." We talked about that a bit more before I began telling her what had recently been going on at WebMatch.

"So, Larson has been having a lot of meetings with me and Pete. The other day he brought up one of our less than great customer feedback forms." I paused to pick up my own glass of wine. The thought of the meeting already had my blood boiling.

"Why is he saying that he feels like you didn't take his preferences into account?" Mr. Larson asked me as we sat at the long conference table. Pete was sitting in between me and Mr. Larson, but he might as well have been invisible, because Mr. Larson wasn't berating him about anything.

"Well," I began as I pursed my lips. "Most of the traits he asked for were purely based on appearance and I tried to take those into account, but there were also personality characteristics based on the most recent research that I had to consider." I passed him some of the papers I had with me, but he waved them away without giving them even a mere glance. "He's been with us three years and while some of those relationships have worked, him and I have discussed that we need to try something different if he wants to find a serious, long-term relationship." 

Everything I had presented to him was true and it's not even like the customer feedback was that bad. He just didn't give us perfect scores and that was something the customer had written in his comments at the end of the survey, along with excellent reviews about me.

"I don't need excuses, Caroline," Mr. Larson replied without considering any of my perfectly valid points. "We just can't keep losing clients like this. The personal matchmaking takes a lot of resources to keep running and if we lose clients we won't be able to maintain the department. Does that make sense to you?"

I was ready to quit right there and after hearing the story, Shelby didn't understand how I didn't blow up at him.

"It's not easy," I insisted. "But I've decided to channel all that energy into kickboxing. Plus, I've started doing deep breathing exercises at my desk."

Shelby and I finished up the process of taking down my Christmas tree. Then I forced myself to go to sleep so I could wake up super early for my flight.

It was really nice to see my family for the week. I missed being home, but I did not miss that cold. I spent a lot of the time inside with my sister, who was also off for the week.

Then New Year's Eve rolled around. I went with my friends to a catering hall, like we had done a few times already. It was fun to get dressed up and see them. Not to mention that I killed in my crop top and skirt combination. Thanks were due to kickboxing, yet again.

Moose was there, though. He didn't try to talk to me and I was thankful he didn't. I was so busy catching up with everyone that I don't think anybody noticed, but I did. He was giving me weird looks all night, but he was also glued to his cell phone. Anna told me him and Jacky had broken up, but he was already back on Tinder. "He's talking to a lot of girls," she informed me, without any prodding. "He's kind of being sleazy with it."

Moose? Sleazy? No way! I was so glad that things hadn't gone further with us. He wasn't worth it.

First Impressions

I made a list on my flight back to California. I had to make a conscious decision to make certain changes in my life. Why did I continuously return to the past? First, I wanted to hook up with my ex-boyfriend and then, I actually did make out with Moose. What was wrong with me?

But these were mistakes, I told myself. I was making some concrete efforts to move forward. After all, I had been on two, successful dates with Chris. I was really getting along with him and he was great on paper, so that was a start.

So, I began by writing some obvious self-help tips: start actually exercising regularly, listen to that podcast about being assertive and confident, make avocado toast for breakfast at least once, maybe you'll like it! I was super focused on the list when I felt someone bump into my right arm.

"Ouch," I yelped as I instinctually gripped my elbow.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," said a middle-aged man in a suit.

I looked up at him with a tight lipped smile. "It's okay," I replied.

That should've been the end of the encounter, until the man decided to add one piece of advice. "Maybe you should keep those dainty little elbows out of the isle."

My face scrunched up. Maybe I was still worked up from the weekend. Maybe I was primed to stand up for myself because I wanted to listen to that podcast. Maybe it was the glass of wine I had at the beginning of the flight. I can't tell you exactly what gave me more courage that day, because normally I would've kept my mouth shut, but I did not.

"Maybe you should watch where you're going," I scoffed as I turned my attention back to my notebook. There was now a big, misplaced line right across all my ambitions. I actually thought the irony was comical.

I heard the man mumbling as he continued on his way. The only words I could clearly make out were "entitled," and "millennials." I didn't care, though. I wouldn't normally think twice about an interaction with a rude stranger like this.

But I did think about it again. I thought about it the next day when I went into work. Pete was leaned up against my cubicle with a large cup of coffee. "Morning, New York," he greeted me.

I threw my bag under my desk and turned to look at him. "You're here early," I replied as I rubbed my eye. The jet lag was real.

"Yeah, well, we have a big shot in today." Pete took a sip of coffee as he turned and pointed to the conference room. There, through the glass walls, I saw my friend from the plane. He was standing in the front of the room with a bunch of department heads seated at the table.

"Fuck," I said as my anxiety levels spiked. How could I be such an idiot? Work was the one thing going right in my life.

"It's not that big of a deal, Caroline," Pete assured me. "You have top numbers. He'll love you."

I looked down and began playing with my cuticles. I decided not to share my story with Pete at that exact moment. No need to have two worriers. Pete began explaining the situation to me. I was half listening as he told me that the company had a lot of adaptations and innovations in the works. I knew he had been to New York a few times over the past few months, but he was always very hush hush about it. He went on and on for a while and I got the impression that he had been wanting to share this secretive transition with me for a  while.

"So, I hate to do this to you on your first day back, but he wants you in our meeting at 3."

I felt nauseous, but I nodded before abruptly telling Pete I was going to go grab a cup of coffee.

It was easy to take my mind off the upcoming meeting. I had so many emails, so I kept my head buried. I didn't even realize it was lunch time until Pete came over and knocked on the wall of the cubicle. I looked up and he was shaking a small pizza box.

I followed him into his office and realized how hungry I was once I smelled the thin crusted pizza. I began scarfing it down as Pete went over some numbers he wanted me to know. We continued until it was almost 3. I would've been nervous even if I hadn't already interacted with this guy. Once Pete went over everything with me, I started to really realize how important this meeting was not only for my job, but for the company.

I had made a decision, though. I was going to pretend like I didn't even recognize him from the plane. After all, maybe he didn't see my face. Maybe if I talked in a bit of a lower tone of voice, he wouldn't even make the connection. With his attitude and sense of importance, he probably had hostile encounters all the time.

I took a deep breathe as I followed Pete out of his office. I happened to look down and catch a glance at his cute butt as we walked out. It actually made me feel a little better.

"Hello, Mr. Larson," Pete greeted him with a strong handshake. "I'd like to introduce you to one of our top members in charge of VIP memberships, Caroline."

Mr. Larson's eyes met my eyes and I channeled all my energy into a strong poker face. His face was blank for a couple of seconds, but it felt like a full minute, before he finally said, "Hello, Caroline. It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot of good about your department."

I was finally able to breath easy. At least, for now.

The End of Summer

If you had told me that this was ever going to happen at any point over the last three years, I would've told you that the ship had sailed. The sexual tension was just something we had grown to live with. Anna used to say we were "like Ross and Rachel," but I knew this simply wasn't the case.

It was strange that my shirt was already off; not typically how my make out sessions begin. I was surprised that Moose was such a good kisser. He was always so awkward around me, so I assumed his lips would follow a similar pattern. I was pleasantly surprised.

After a few seconds of kissing, Moose guided me backwards and I felt his mattress behind my legs. I allowed my body to lay back and adjusted myself so I was no longer touching the floor as Moose climbed on top of me.

It didn't take long for Moose to start kissing my neck and slowly making his way down to my chest. He was about to take off my bra when I realized I was making a mistake. Kissing was one thing; we both wanted it, on some level, for a long time. But I felt going further, especially with me flying back to California after the weekend, would be regrettable.

"Moose," I said as I put my hands low on his shoulders. He didn't stop kissing me right away. "Moose," I said again. This time louder and without any sort of wanting in my voice. He lifted his head and made eye contact with me.

"I think this is a mistake," I said as I broke eye contact. I really didn't want to stop, but I knew I'd regret it.

To my surprise, Moose didn't argue. "Yeah, I know," he said. "Fuck, I just want you so bad."

I remained silent as I contemplated my response. "We've been drinking," I replied. "Let's head back downstairs."

Moose nodded. I have to say I was a little surprised, and even offended, that he agreed this was a mistake. Since when was Moose so level headed?

I put on a blue shirt from Moose's drawer and made my way downstairs. Moose told me he would follow me in a few minutes. I don't know why, but I took a few steps toward him, got on my tippy toes, and kissed him. It felt like I was ending something that had just started, even though I knew we couldn't really be together.

I met Anna at the keg. "Where have you been?" She asked.

"I spilled beer on my shirt. I had to go borrow one from Moose."

Anna nodded before her attention was drawn to Moose coming back outside. She looked at him, looked at me, and raised her eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right," I responded to her judgmental look. I felt bad lying to Anna, but it was best if we just pretended this never happened.

"I would hope not," she laughed. I didn't really know what she meant, but couldn't exactly get any more information without incriminating myself.

We all ended up quieting down and just sitting with our drinks around Moose's fire pit. Everyone was chatting and I ended up talking to the girls about getting together for dinner the night before I went back home.

"Everybody should come," Jessica said, opening up the invitation to the whole group. A few of the guys were for it, but I noticed Moose was quiet. Jessica noticed, too. "What about you, Moose?"

"I can't that night," he said as he looked up at Jessica and then back at the fire.

"Oh, you got fun plans on a Wednesday night?" I asked. I understood that Moose was awkward, but I didn't want him to start avoiding me because of one drunken make out session.

"Yeah, I'm actually going to Westchester that day," Moose replied, still avoiding eye contact.

"Oh, do you and Jacky have something going on?" Jessica asked. I felt my stomach drop.

"Yeah, just a work thing for her," Moose replied. "I'm going to grab another beer. Everyone good?"

He didn't even really wait for a reply before jumping up. I waited a few seconds before turning to Anna and trying to sound as casual as possible when I asked, "who's Jacky?"

"Moose's girlfriend," Anna replied before taking a sip of her beer. She answered the question like it was nothing and of course, to her, it was common knowledge. Knowledge that had no sort of importance on this very night.

But to me, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up onto the fire. How could Moose have a girlfriend and not tell me? How could he cheat on her with me? Did he honestly think I wasn't going to find out? Even if I hadn't found out tonight, I would have eventually found out.

I tried to keep my cool. I wasn't about to ruin a nice night with a scene and, to be honest, I still didn't want anybody to know about what happened.

I sat around for a few minutes with a fake smile on my face before taking out my phone and ordering an Uber. Moose came back to the circle but didn't even look in my direction, let alone try to talk to me or any of the girls.

"Hey, guys, I'm going to head home," I said as I stood up from the chair. "Super tired, you know, California time."

Everybody was drunk enough that they took this as a valid excuse, even though 1 AM New York time was only 10 PM California time. I said my goodbyes to everyone, including Moose, before heading to my ride.

I wasn't even home before I got a text from Moose. It just said, "I had a great time tonight." Then he sent a follow up text. "Sorry."

I didn't answer. I couldn't and I had nothing to say. We haven't talked since.

Moose's Barbecue

I went to Moose's barbecue with Jessica, Darlene, and Anna. The old group was back together. I immediately felt guilty when catching up with Jessica and Darlene, though. I regularly texted them, but I still felt like I could make more of an effort to keep up with their lives. Darlene had started a completely new job and I wasn't even aware of it, while Jessica was seriously dating an old flame from high school. I couldn't believe how disconnected I felt from everything. I still really missed home, but I did love California.

We got to Moose's house around 8 o'clock, but before we even opened the gate, we could hear that things were getting rowdy. Guys were yelling about something. Once we had a visual, we learned it was over a game of beer pong. Typical.

It had been an insanely long time since I had seen Moose. He had grown out his hair a little bit and had a beard. Moose's appearance seemed to fluctuate with the seasons, where sometimes he looked disheveled and other times he looked very put together. The summer had apparently been good to him. He was wearing a shirt with no sleeves and I could see that his arm muscles were looking pretty large. He had his long hair combed and his beard at the perfect length. I didn't want to admit it, but Moose was looking good.

I knew that he had broken up with Beth, his somewhat serious girlfriend, last year, even though I wasn't sure of their status at my Fourth of July barbecue. I later found out, via Facebook of all places, that they were no longer together and I never really got the details on what happened there. I know they had their problems, but they both seemed pretty committed to making things work. I never really figured out what happened there. Again, I made a mental note to be a better friend.

We all began drinking and I spent time catching up with everyone separate. I got to see everyone on a regular basis when I lived on Long Island, especially right after college, but so many of my friends had different things going on now. One was getting his PhD in Washington, D. C. while another was going to law school in Philadelphia.

Moose and I barely talked all night. I don't know if I was so occupied with everyone else or if he was purposely avoiding me, but the longer we went without really talking, the more awkward I knew our encounter would eventually be. The continuous beer drinking helped.

As the night continued, everybody continued to have more and more fun. Anna plugged in her iPod and I began bopping my head as I filled my red cup up with beer from the keg.

"California has made you a terrible dancer," Moose said behind me. I jumped as I heard his voice.

I turned to look at him and sighed. "Dude, you can't sneak up on people like that!"

Moose threw his head back and laughed. "Dude," he mocked me. "Wow, you are so Cali."

I rolled my eyes before looking down at my shirt. "Well, dude, you also made me spill beer all over my shirt. Not cool." It wasn't that bad, but it was substantial enough to be annoying.

"You're such a drama queen," Moose teased. I shot him a glare, so then he added, "you can go up to my room and borrow whatever you need."

I smiled at that and scurried inside. There was a particular t-shirt that Moose had since high school that I always tried to take from him. It was just of our old school mascot, but I always joked that it was my favorite. He never let me anywhere near it, but now I had free range of his room.

I opened his drawers until I found the t-shirts and then began scurrying. It took me a few minutes, but I found it. I drunkenly began pulling my light t-shirt over my head and then went to lay it over Moose's desk chair so it could begin to dry. As I was doing so, I saw a few framed pictures sitting on his desk. I noticed one, towards the back, of me and him. It was a few summers ago and I'm holding his arm, smiling for the picture, while he's looking down at his phone with a stupid smirk on his face. It was actually a pretty cute picture and it reminded me of the genuine friendship we used to have, before things got kind of complicated.

"What's taking..." 

I was startled again at the sound of Moose's voice, but this time was worse. "Oh," I replied quickly as I held the t-shirt over my chest. I was standing there in just a bra and jeans when I turned to face him. "Sorry, I'm coming right down."

Moose turned bright red and began stuttering an apology. "I just, sorry, um, I'll just..." As he went to walk out, he stopped. Then he turned around. He didn't seem mortified anymore.

"Caroline, you can't have that shirt," he laughed.

I wasn't embarrassed anymore either. "Oh, come on," I replied. I still had the shirt covering me.

He opened the drawer and grabbed a New York Yankees tee off the top. He threw it at me, but I didn't catch it because I was obviously already holding something.

I rolled my eyes again. "Moose, I'll obviously give it back to you at the end of the night."

I felt my stomach flip as Moose walked over to me without saying a word. Once he was standing directly in front of me, towering over me, his voice got deep and he said, "what are you going to give me for it?"

Neither of us said another word. Moose suddenly leaned down and kissed me. To my surprise, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.