Celebratory Dinner

"So let's raise our glasses," my dad said as he embarrassingly lifted his beer bottle into the air. "To Caroline, being offered a job within a couple weeks of her graduation. We're so proud of you, honey."

"Thanks, Dad," I said with a timid smile. It was a really nice night out so we decided to eat dinner on the patio. My mom made some amazing Italian dishes for the occasion, including chicken parmesan and spaghetti. Of course, she made too much, because she always makes too much. My mom comes from a big Italian family, where any night that's considered even a little bit special is a reason to eat in excess.

My immediate family was sitting around the table, along with Scott who my mom insisted I invite over. "This dinner is to celebrate your new job!"

I had no trouble inviting Scott over. I always enjoy when he comes over to have dinner with my family. My parents loved him and he got along with my siblings pretty well. In addition to my brother, I have a younger sister. She's in college and we get along just as well as any other sisters, I suppose.

I felt a little awkward inviting him to this particular dinner, though. That Monday morning I received an official offer from Web Matcher. I was actually pretty surprised at the starting salary, but my dad and brother still told me I had to ask for a relocation fee. It felt very unnatural to me to ask for more, but I knew it was the correct way to go about accepting a job. My mom asked me, "haven't you read Lean In?" I told her I hadn't, so she chewed my ear off for about twenty minutes about the major points.

I called Scott on the phone right away about the offer. I obviously had no way to dissect his body language through the phone, but he sounded genuinely happy for me. After some discussion of the details with my family, as well as Scott, I realized that not only did I want to take this job, but I had to. Even Scott said that I'd always kick myself if I didn't take the chance on something new.

However, since making the decision, Scott and I have only discussed a few details of the move. I felt like we were both carefully dancing around the real issue; what about us?

A celebratory dinner with my family and Scott made me feel good, though. I didn't know what would happen between me and Scott. I also felt guilty about moving across the country, because I was close with my family. I wondered if being further away from them would weirdly make us closer or simply drive us apart.

Besides Scott and my family, I still wasn't sure how my friends, mainly Jessica, were going to take it when I actually moved. She apologized for her outburst at dinner, but things still felt tense between us. I knew she meant everything she said, but what could I do? Like I said, I had to take this job.

"So, you're going to have to keep me very informed about all the important pre wedding events," I said to my brother. 

"Yes, Samuel," my mother began. "If you expect Caroline to come home, you're going to have to tell her with enough notice so that she can arrange a flight!"

"Well," Sam began before pausing to take a sip of his beer. "I don't expect you to come back for everything. There will only be a handful of important things and we're not getting married for two years."

"I'm moving across the country, not to outer space!" I proclaimed. "I will be coming home all the time." I turned to Scott, who was spinning spaghetti around on his fork. It was the first time I noticed him seeming uncomfortable around my family.

I looked at everyone else. They were all politely smiling and my brother quickly changed the subject. I felt like everyone thought I was going to just pick up and forget about all my loved ones at home. Maybe I was fooling myself if I thought I'd be jumping on a plane all the time once I became comfortable in Santa Monica.

The rest of dinner went fine. While it was a congratulatory dinner, it was far from a bon voyage dinner. I had talked to Lillian a little bit about a possible start date and we landed on the week after the Fourth of July. It gave me a little bit of extra time, but it seemed a little unnecessary for me to begin before a big holiday weekend that I'd either want to spend with my family or spend getting settled in California.

Scott and I went for a walk around my neighborhood shortly after dinner. I wanted to have some alone time with him, since it was apparently clear to everyone that we had no idea what we were doing come my move. I also felt super full after dinner. Damn that Italian bread!

"Thanks for coming over today, baby," I said to Scott as I squeezed his hand. "I really appreciate it."

"Anything for you," he replied as he watched his feet move one in front of the other along the street.

"Listen," I began as I felt a lump forming in my throat. "I don't want you to think I haven't thought about you, about us, at all in regards to this move. I feel like I haven't been completely fair to you."

Scott kind of cut me off. "Caroline, don't think about me. You have to do what's right for you. I know that."

"Okay," I continued. "But, we'll talk about us soon, okay? I don't know how you feel, but I don't want to make any decisions yet. We still have a lot of time here, right?"

Scott stopped walking and gently kissed my forehead. "Right," he agreed.