If you had told me that this was ever going to happen at any point over the last three years, I would've told you that the ship had sailed. The sexual tension was just something we had grown to live with. Anna used to say we were "like Ross and Rachel," but I knew this simply wasn't the case.
It was strange that my shirt was already off; not typically how my make out sessions begin. I was surprised that Moose was such a good kisser. He was always so awkward around me, so I assumed his lips would follow a similar pattern. I was pleasantly surprised.
After a few seconds of kissing, Moose guided me backwards and I felt his mattress behind my legs. I allowed my body to lay back and adjusted myself so I was no longer touching the floor as Moose climbed on top of me.
It didn't take long for Moose to start kissing my neck and slowly making his way down to my chest. He was about to take off my bra when I realized I was making a mistake. Kissing was one thing; we both wanted it, on some level, for a long time. But I felt going further, especially with me flying back to California after the weekend, would be regrettable.
"Moose," I said as I put my hands low on his shoulders. He didn't stop kissing me right away. "Moose," I said again. This time louder and without any sort of wanting in my voice. He lifted his head and made eye contact with me.
"I think this is a mistake," I said as I broke eye contact. I really didn't want to stop, but I knew I'd regret it.
To my surprise, Moose didn't argue. "Yeah, I know," he said. "Fuck, I just want you so bad."
I remained silent as I contemplated my response. "We've been drinking," I replied. "Let's head back downstairs."
Moose nodded. I have to say I was a little surprised, and even offended, that he agreed this was a mistake. Since when was Moose so level headed?
I put on a blue shirt from Moose's drawer and made my way downstairs. Moose told me he would follow me in a few minutes. I don't know why, but I took a few steps toward him, got on my tippy toes, and kissed him. It felt like I was ending something that had just started, even though I knew we couldn't really be together.
I met Anna at the keg. "Where have you been?" She asked.
"I spilled beer on my shirt. I had to go borrow one from Moose."
Anna nodded before her attention was drawn to Moose coming back outside. She looked at him, looked at me, and raised her eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right," I responded to her judgmental look. I felt bad lying to Anna, but it was best if we just pretended this never happened.
"I would hope not," she laughed. I didn't really know what she meant, but couldn't exactly get any more information without incriminating myself.
We all ended up quieting down and just sitting with our drinks around Moose's fire pit. Everyone was chatting and I ended up talking to the girls about getting together for dinner the night before I went back home.
"Everybody should come," Jessica said, opening up the invitation to the whole group. A few of the guys were for it, but I noticed Moose was quiet. Jessica noticed, too. "What about you, Moose?"
"I can't that night," he said as he looked up at Jessica and then back at the fire.
"Oh, you got fun plans on a Wednesday night?" I asked. I understood that Moose was awkward, but I didn't want him to start avoiding me because of one drunken make out session.
"Yeah, I'm actually going to Westchester that day," Moose replied, still avoiding eye contact.
"Oh, do you and Jacky have something going on?" Jessica asked. I felt my stomach drop.
"Yeah, just a work thing for her," Moose replied. "I'm going to grab another beer. Everyone good?"
He didn't even really wait for a reply before jumping up. I waited a few seconds before turning to Anna and trying to sound as casual as possible when I asked, "who's Jacky?"
"Moose's girlfriend," Anna replied before taking a sip of her beer. She answered the question like it was nothing and of course, to her, it was common knowledge. Knowledge that had no sort of importance on this very night.
But to me, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up onto the fire. How could Moose have a girlfriend and not tell me? How could he cheat on her with me? Did he honestly think I wasn't going to find out? Even if I hadn't found out tonight, I would have eventually found out.
I tried to keep my cool. I wasn't about to ruin a nice night with a scene and, to be honest, I still didn't want anybody to know about what happened.
I sat around for a few minutes with a fake smile on my face before taking out my phone and ordering an Uber. Moose came back to the circle but didn't even look in my direction, let alone try to talk to me or any of the girls.
"Hey, guys, I'm going to head home," I said as I stood up from the chair. "Super tired, you know, California time."
Everybody was drunk enough that they took this as a valid excuse, even though 1 AM New York time was only 10 PM California time. I said my goodbyes to everyone, including Moose, before heading to my ride.
I wasn't even home before I got a text from Moose. It just said, "I had a great time tonight." Then he sent a follow up text. "Sorry."
I didn't answer. I couldn't and I had nothing to say. We haven't talked since.