The Power of Silence

"OMG I took a nap and didn't wake up." "Fuck, I'm so sorry. What're you doing Sunday?"

Those were the two text messages that I woke up to from Justin. They were sent around four in the morning, so it was plausible that he did fall asleep. But it was also plausible that he went out with his friends and decided to send me a sad excuse on his way home. Either way, I felt like I had said my peace the night before. Maybe this was a sign. (I know, so cheesy, right?) We broke up and for good reasons. A dinner wasn't ever going to change that. I should've never agreed to go to dinner with him in the first place.

I told this to Anna as we waited in line for coffee. We were in the food court of the mall in our town. Anna had started substituting at a few schools in the area and she said she needed more professional clothing. I was hoping to snag a few fall finds myself so we agreed earlier in the week to head to the mall early on Saturday.

"I can't believe you were ditching us for your ex boyfriend," Anna said to me.

"Stop," I replied. "I was not. I had plans with him before I knew you guys wanted to see a movie."

"Yeah, yeah," Anna responded. It was then her turn in line and she ordered a chai latte. I ordered a small coffee with caramel syrup and we shifted over to the end of the counter to wait for your drinks.

"Anyway," Anna began. "I'm really surprised at how you're handling this." I was confused and asked her what she meant. "You know, you're not letting the 'what ifs' get to you. You always did that with Mike. No offense."

None taken. I knew she was right. When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I questioned every decision I made. Should I have tried harder? Should I have given him more space? Whenever he texted me, I overthought a response and I always responded.

"You're right," I replied. "I recently read something on Pinterest about the power of silence and I guess it stuck." I didn't know if I'd ignore Justin forever, but I at least needed some time before I responded.

"Ha, I wish I could just shut up sometimes," Anna laughed. The barista called out our drinks and we grabbed them before heading for the escalator. We had a few stores on our list of definite stops. As we made our way to Express, Anna told me about some of her recent troubles with Chris. While she was definitely still playing the field, I could tell Anna really liked Chris, but she would benefit from utilizing the power of silence herself. "He won't text me for days and then, all of a sudden, he wants to take me out to dinner."

"Does he ask you out the day of?" I asked.

"Yeah, like he never wants to make plans in advance." We had reached Express and I remained silent as I looked at their portofino shirts. "What?" she prodded.

"Well," I began, as I carefully thought about how to tell her what I was thinking without coming off as rude or judgmental. "I think he obviously likes you, but if he doesn't make plans with in advance, it might be because he'd rather go out with his friends but if they happen to not being doing anything that night, he'll hang with you."

Anna sighed. "I know you're right." She put her drink down on the floor as she looked through some pants for her size.

"You can change his viewpoint, though," I said. "Don't worry about the past. Focus on the future."

Anna laughed. "Am I shopping with a fortune cookie right now?"

"I know," I replied. "What can I say? I told you, I've been reading a lot of motivational quotes on Pinterest since breaking up with Justin!" It was true. My break up technique was to try and flood my mind with positivity, so I tended to look towards the internet. At any given time, thousands of girls must be going through break ups, right?

Anna found her pants and held them up. "Gray or black?" she asked. I found the gray pair unique and told her to get them. We looked around a little bit more. "Honestly," she began, getting back on topic. "I'm proud of the way you're handling this. You have a whole new attitude and I admire it."

I was glad to hear Anna's compliment. Maybe I could continue this positivity?

I didn't respond to Justin and I didn't hear from him that week. I kept super busy with school, between my classes and my assistantship, but I felt satisfied with my life. I felt like I haven't been this focused in years. I was ahead on school work and Dr. O'Conner told me he was impressed with my work so far. I already planned on asking him to be a reference for me at the end of the year when I started looking for jobs.

The weekend came and I enjoyed some quiet time around my house. Saturday rained all day, so I decided to unpack all my Fall and Winter clothes. It seemed a little premature, but it's been getting cold here in New York!

Sunday, I received a text from Moose. I was surprised when it popped up on my phone, since I haven't heard from him since the night at The Shop, but once I opened the text, I saw it was a group text to almost our whole group of friends. He asked who would be around to get wings and watch football. While I don't keep up with football too much, I do enjoy the energy of watching games at restaurants. A few people agreed to go and Darlene picked me up around 5.

A fun night ensued.