Dark Chocolate Heart

I rubbed my eyes before looking back at my phone. Yup, I correctly read that. My hands were shaking. As much as I hated admitting it, Mike still had an incredibly irritating power over me. No matter how many hours I spent soul searching or working out or trying to talk to other guys, nothing really worked. A text from him still gave me the shakes.

The text was sent at 7:30 and it was now 8:00. Why was he even awake this early? I needed time before responding so I went into the bathroom to take a shower. I literally hopped out of bed because I swear, hearing from an ex is more effective than a cup of espresso. You heard it here first.

I couldn’t deny that I was excited to hear from Mike. For the past couple of weeks, Valentine's Day had been in the back of my mind. Would he text me? Would he send me a card? Would I hear from him right away or would he make me wait until the end of the day? I didn't even want to think about the worst scenario. Would he spend it with another girl?

By the time I got out of the shower, my skin was wrinkly, but damn I was clean. I didn't even take off my towel before reaching for my phone. While in the shower, I decided on the perfect text to write back in order to remain in control of this situation. After all, I was starting with the upper hand for once.

"Happy Valentine's Day :)" I wrote back. I ignored the 'I miss you' part but added the smiley face to seem nonchalant and friendly. I wanted to make him squirm a little.

Mike, on the other hand, was never one for games. I quickly received a text back that read, "Oh, so you don't miss me?" He didn't wait to respond. He didn't try to act like he didn't care. He was always straightforward and it made me miss our relationship more than ever.

"Of course I miss you," I wrote back. Being coy is so overrated.

"So, what're your Valentine's Day plans tonight?" I didn’t respond right away. Again, I didn't know what to write back, but I also desperately needed to get ready for work. I threw on my red hooded long-sleeve shirt that I wore every Valentine's Day and quickly blow dried by hair in record time. Once I got to work I looked at my phone again. Mike sent another text with a single question mark. My friends didn't really have anything planned, even though this was the first Valentine's Day in years that we were all single, but I couldn't tell him I had nothing to do on a Friday night, let alone on Valentine's Day.

"Not sure yet."

"Get dinner with me?"

A smile forced its way onto my face. I waited ten minutes before sending him a simple, "Okay." I knew this didn't mean we were getting back together, but it felt nice that he wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with me. At least I wouldn't be alone.

I stopped home to change into something nice after work before leaving for his apartment. I hadn't seen Mike in so long. The drive to his place felt weird. Even though I hadn’t been there in months, I didn't hesitate at a single turn. It was like riding a bicycle.

When he swung his apartment door open and we were face to face, I felt a tingling throughout my whole body. He looked cuter than I ever remembered and it became apparent how much I still loved him. 

"Hi," he said with a smile as he stepped back to allow me into his apartment. The place smelt like lavender and vanilla, two scents I know his mom loves. I looked to the left at the kitchen table. It was set with place mats and candles.

"What is..." I began to ask as I felt Mike's hands on my hips and his lips lightly kissing my cheek.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

Ugh, this felt good. I took a step backwards. Even though his touch sent shivers down my spine, I was not going down that road. At least not yet.

“Sorry,” Mike said with a smile. “Listen, I cooked us dinner but if you don’t want to hang out here, I understand.” Mike began to walk into his bedroom as he suggested nearby restaurants we could go to. When he came out, he was holding a Russell Stover heart. “It’s all dark,” he said handing it to me.

I don’t know if it was the dinner or his touch or the way he remembered that dark chocolate is my absolute favorite, but all of a sudden I began to softly cry.

Mike put his arms around me as I tried to choke back tears. I hadn’t cried over Mike in so long but I had definitely been bottling up a lot of emotions. I was so not over him.

Once I gained some composure, I told him I wanted to stay and eat the dinner he prepared.
I sat down and he insisted on serving me the whole time. He brought out a bottle of Riesling (again, my favorite) and poured us both a glass before bringing out salads for us to start with. It was the perfect Valentine’s Day night, but under the wrong circumstances. I mean, what did this all mean?

After dinner, we continued to catch up on each other’s lives while watching television from his couch. He made a few moves, but I forced myself to decline. Truth be told, I did miss sex, but I didn’t want to be more confused than I already was.

When it was time to go, I gave him a quick kiss goodbye. I left with a complete feeling of uncertainty. The whole night was a lot to process. This might get pretty messy.