Am I Home Sick?

I went to lunch with Shelby after hanging up with Scott. I considered cancelling, telling her I was sick, and leaving for the day to go home for some private crying. I knew I was being over sensitive about the situation, but I was very caught off guard.

Anyway, I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and went to lunch with Shelby. It would be good to be around a friend, right?

"These protein bowls are so good," Shelby gushed to me as she shoveled a bite into her mouth. "No wonder you're so thin, is that smoothie all you're going to have for lunch?"

I shrugged. "I ate a big breakfast," I lied. The truth was I was starving before I called Scott but his attitude made my appetite disappear. That's one way to diet.

"Are you excited to go home this weekend?" It wasn't the first thing Shelby asked me. I managed to keep my composure during our talk about work. When she asked me this question half way through our lunch, though, I fell apart.

I was being ridiculous and I felt for Shelby, who sat there with a blank expression on her face for a moment. I wiped my eyes after a few seconds and began apologizing to her. Then, I told her about my conversation with Scott.

"That sucks, Caroline," she responded with a frown.

"It's really not a big deal," I responded with a wave of my hand. "I shouldn't be this upset but, I don't know, I am." I sat back in my seat and insisted that I was looking forward to going home. "I miss home a lot. It'd be easier if I wasn't in a relationship, but I miss my friends and family. I think it's kind of hitting me how truly far away from everything I am."

Shelby sympathetically nodded. "Do you think about moving back?"

I shrugged and looked down at my finger nails. It was really bothering me that the pink nail polish was already chipping after I got them down two days earlier. That would never happen when I got them done in New York. "I see a future with Scott, you know? And when I have a family, I mean way down the line, I would like to be around my parents. So, I guess my plans would kind of require me to go back there." I felt the urge to cry again, but I took a deep breathe and resisted. How was it just hitting me that I couldn't have the life I wanted if I stayed in California? "I couldn't pass up this opportunity, you know? Maybe they'll open an office in New York."

Shelby nodded. I definitely owed her for being so supportive as I went on and on about my insignificant problems. "Well, I'm glad you're here," she said with a smile. "But I totally get where you're coming from. I see my parents twice a week and I still feel like I don't spend enough time with them."

I finished taking a sip of my smoothie before responding. "I would've killed myself by now if I didn't meet you. As pathetic as it sounds, I almost never leave my apartment unless someone from home is visiting me or I'm hanging out with you." I wanted to make it clear to Shelby that even though we weren't getting best friend tattoos yet, I did consider her a good friend and I liked hanging out with her.

The next day, I flew into New York and Darlene picked me up. As soon as I saw her car, I opened the back door to throw my bag in. I practically had a heart attack when Jessica and Anna were sitting there, yelling surprise at me upon the door opening.

Seeing my friends definitely put a smile on my face. "You guys all came?" I asked as I leaned in and gave them quick hugs before I saw a security person making his way over to me. "I can use a drink," I finished as I jumped into the passenger seat and closed the door.

"Oh, we're getting drinks," Darlene replied as she put her car into drive. "We're going back to Jessica's and we're all sleeping over there."

"Nobody better be able to walk after how much we plan to drink," Anna added.

I nodded. If I was going to get that drunk, I was hiding my phone. Knowing myself, I would end up texting Scott and text screaming at him in a completely non cohesive manner.

I called my mom while in the car and caught her up to speed. I was actually really excited to catch up with my parents. Not only did I move out, but I moved across the country. I didn't realize what a transition it was, especially since I didn't go away to college.

I texted Scott after hanging up with my mom. "Darlene picked me up. We're all heading to Jessica's. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

He answered back right away. "I love you, too. Can't wait to kiss you!"

I rolled my eyes. If he couldn't wait to kiss me, why wasn't he here kissing me? I put my phone away and before I could even say a word, Jessica dramatically asked what was wrong.

"Nothing," I replied.

"Shut up, I saw that eye roll."

I let out a sigh. "Well," I began and then I told them about the Scott situation. I was so tired of talking about something that really didn't feel like anything.

They were all super supportive and insisted that we'd have so much fun that night so I would forget about the whole ordeal. I still just had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

But I did put it out of my mind. I drank so much wine that the night became blurry, but the next morning, as I scrolled through Instagram, I was reminded of it.