Beer Garden: Part One

Hallelujah! It's Tax Day!

I know that's not the reaction most people have to April 15th, but it is mine and probably anybody else's who is dating an accountant.

Scott does a lot with taxes at his job. I don't know much about differing accountants, but I know that his job is slightly different than Moose's job, who has told me that tax season doesn't really influence how much work he does, which I think is something with auditing.

Scott agreed to come with me to the city. It was finally getting nicer out, so Moose suggested a beer garden in Manhattan. Sometimes, I'd prefer to hang out somewhere on Long Island, since the train can be a hassle, but then I realize I'm being ungrateful. A forty minute train ride from one of the greatest cities in the world and I can't be bothered? Come on, Caroline.

My friends and I have been to a few beer gardens, which seem to be getting more and more popular, and we are rarely disappointed. They have great outdoor, as well as semi-indoor, seating and so many unique types of beer. I threw on my favorite pair of black jeans and paired it with a plaid button down I recently purchased during an online shopping binge.

Scott picked me up so we could grab dinner before catching a train. We went to a new restaurant that recently opened and my boss had recommended. When we arrived, it was packed but Scott had luckily made a reservation. The place was a unique mix between Mexican and Italian, with a design that I can only describe as rustic. All the decor was made of wood but it felt weirdly upscale. When we sat down and began surveying the menu, the guacamole quickly caught my eye.

“Want to split the guacamole?” I eagerly asked.

“Only if we can split the flaming cheese, also,” Scott replied, mirroring my enthusiasm. “Great restaurant pick, babe.”

“Thanks,” I cheerfully replied. Scott seemed in much better spirits than he’d been over the past few weeks. It wasn’t that he’d been in a bad mood. He just seemed tired all the time. He seemed excited for a night out, though. He was wearing a dark grey V-neck and while I love how he looks more dressed up, it was nice to see him looking, and feeling, more casual.

After splitting the starters, we also split a mini margarita pizza and angry fish tacos. I was feeling pretty full and we also had two margaritas each so I was feeling a slight buzz by the time we stood up to leave. Scott drove us back to his house before Martin picked us up for the train. I hadn’t seen Martin in a few weeks and I didn’t even realize Scott had invited him along until he told me over dinner. I quickly sent Anna a text to give her fair warning. Since her and Martin were never really serious, their relationship died out shortly after New Year’s Eve. I’m sure she hadn’t seen him in at least two months.

“Haha, thanks for the heads up,” Anna quickly texted me back. “You guys are going to make our train, right?”

Since I was taking the train with Scott and Martin, I was going to meet most of my friends at a later stop. I quickly told her we would before arriving at the station, buying our tickets, and heading for the platform.

I thought it would be difficult to find my friends, but as soon as we stepped onto the train, I could hear them at the end of the car. Almost all of my guy friends were there, along with Anna, Darlene, and Jessica. I didn’t see Beth, Moose’s girlfriend, around so I wondered if she wasn’t coming but when I asked Darlene if she knew anything about it, she told me Beth was meeting us in the city.

“She very rarely stays on the island,” Darlene quietly continued in my ear as my guy friends rambunctiously talked while drinking beer, a common visual you’ll see on any weekend LIRR train. “Sometimes she stays at her parent’s place, but I know Moose usually stays with her in the city.”

I nodded as I returned my attention to the group. With the whole group of us, we took up a good portion of the train car. Most of my guy friends from high school have really hectic careers along with girlfriends who live in the city or old college friends that they see a lot, but on nights like these I was happy to see them.

We arrived at Penn Station and quickly grabbed a subway to the beer garden. I stood next to Scott on the subway and nuzzled up next to him as he held on to the subway poll. “So what’s this place like?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered without pulling myself away from him. “But I’m so glad you came out tonight.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he said. We got to our stop minutes later.

The tables inside were long and the lights were dim but hung low over the tables. We could barely move inside. Everywhere you looked, people were carrying beer in boot shaped pitchers. We found a place outside and while it wasn’t exactly Spring yet, I was happy to be outside.

Beth and two of her friends showed up a little while later. I was catching up with a few of my guy friends throughout the night and was happy to see Scott having conversations with several of my friends on his own. I love when a guy I’m seeing can maintain a conversation without having to be glued by my side.

After a trip to the bathroom with Darlene and Jessica, I walked out feeling particularly tipsy, but I froze when I saw Scott. Tucked away in a corner. Talking close to a girl in a tight, strapless, black dress.

Do They Deliver?

After an hour or two in bed with Scott, who showed no sign of being tired anymore if you know what I mean, I was ready to get some grub. I needed fuel.

Scott was hungry, too, but when I suggested trying a new Italian restaurant that opened up fifteen minutes away, he started groaning.

"Do they deliver?" He asked, as he rolled over, letting his eyes close.

I was sitting up next to him and didn’t respond when he asked this. I peered down at him. He looked so hot lying there; even though I was annoyed he was about to fall asleep when we were supposed to get dinner. His hair was just long enough to fall low on his forehead. I knew he’d be getting it cut in the next few days. He liked it short, no matter how many times I told him he looked cute when it was a little longer.

“I want to go out,” I finally replied, running my nails along his chest.

“Oh, that feels good,” Scott exclaimed, as if I hadn’t said a word. “Let me turn over.” He rolled onto his stomach and pushed the comforter off his back. A prospective back scratch got him to move, but going to dinner with me didn’t?

I began scratching his upper back before trying again. “Five minutes of this and then we’re going.” I tried to sound stern, like I had any sort of clout.

Scott let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, babe.”

Five minutes passed. Then ten minutes before I leaned down, kissed the back of his neck, and said, “okay, time is up.”

Scott shifted his body to face me. “I was almost asleep. That feels good.”

“Well, I’m glad,” I replied as I stood up and grabbed my jeans from the floor. “Want me to pick you out a shirt?” I asked, hoping that I wasn’t sounding too nagging.

Scott let out a breathe into the air as he stared at me. “If we order in, you can pick the movie.” He raised and lowered his eyebrows at me, as if what he was saying was so tempting and somewhat scandalous.

I dropped my shoulders and tilted my head. “Why don’t you want to go out?” I finally asked.

“I’ve just had a long week,” he replied. “It’s not that I don’t want to go out with you. It’s just, well, what’s the difference if we order in? We don’t have to deal with waiting for a table and then waiting for the food.” Scott lifted his upper body off the bed and I could see the muscles in his arm flexing. Even though Scott hasn’t worked out in months, his body was still a thousand times more ready for summer than me.

“Besides, we don’t even have to get dressed if we stay here.”

I felt really conflicted, because a huge part of me wanted to pull Scott out of bed and drag him to the restaurant. Another part of me wanted give in to his pleading and curl up next to him.

Then, Anna’s words from earlier in the day rang through my mind. Boring, I believe, was the word she used.

I walked over to the bed and sat next to him. I was just about to tell him that I didn’t want to be boring anymore. I wanted to go out to dinner and you know what? Maybe next weekend we’d go skydiving. He ran his hand through my hair and gazed at me. “I’m sorry, Caroline,” he began. “Tax season has just been exhausting. If you want to go to dinner, though, I want to go to dinner with you.”

How did he know the perfect thing to say?

I didn’t want to drag him out. If he didn’t want to go to dinner, I’d feel bad the whole time. I knew after the fifteenth, he’d have more time anyway. If I liked Scott because he was just as busy as I’ve been the past several weeks, wasn’t this the other side of that?

“Okay, but I don’t want to hear a single protest about the movie I choose,” I bargained.

Scott laughed at me. “Okay, fair enough.”

I bit my bottom lip and began to blush at my next thought. “And you have to do that thing with your tongue again.”

Scott smiled. “With pleasure.”

So I lost the battle that night. And I know what everyone’s thinking. Anna’s speech repeated in my mind that night as I drove home. Boring. We’re boring. I’m boring. But, I rationalized, one boring night does not mean we’re a boring couple.

The following week, I got a text from Moose. I was surprised when I saw his name pop up on my phone. I hadn’t heard from him since New Year’s Eve. It’s not that we were avoiding each other or anything. I attributed it to both of us being in new relationships that were going well. From what I saw on social media, Moose and Beth were still together and they were definitely not boring. He went to Florida with her family for a week. She was always posting pictures of them at various bars and checking in at cool, new restaurants.

Anyway, Moose texted me, “Hey, stranger! What are you and the girls up to this weekend?”

“Hey, yourself! Um, not sure. What’s up?”

“The guys and I were talking about going out. Come!”

“Awesome! I’ll let you know.” I was eager for a fun night out, but I didn’t want to commit to anything too soon with too little information.

“Don’t make me beg, C.” A whole season had gone by since I last saw Moose, so I didn’t really get the begging sense.

Moose texted me the details Thursday and I confirmed that I would be there with Anna, Jessica, and Darlene. Scott agreed to go, too, without much protest, but I just hoped he wouldn’t back out at the last minute.

Rewind: Meet the Parents

I was surprised to see Jenna, standing there in her usual attire: yoga pants and a black cami. Her hair was thrown up in a blonde bun that looked flawlessly perfect that made me jealous. She walked closer to me as I contemplated dying my hair blonde.

Once she was an arm's length from me, she threw her hands around my neck. "I'm so glad I got to see you!" She exclaimed.

Oh, yeah. Have I mentioned that Jenna and I get along now? Actually, we more than get along. We're kind of, well, friends. It was a weird and swift transition but I obviously couldn't be happier with the turn of events.

"I didn't know you were home this weekend!" I said as she released her grip. The girl was strong.

"Yeah, I got in late last night," she replied. She slightly frowned. "I thought Scott would've to you."

I shrugged. "I guess it didn't come up," I honestly answered.

Jenna rolled her eyes. "Well, good luck," she warned me. "He's in a grumpy mood. I saw him in the kitchen and he was mumbling something about March Madness."

Oh, great. I don't know much about basketball, especially not college, but I knew enough to know his bracket was probably over.

"Thanks for the heads up," I replied.

After that, Jenna was off. She said she was meeting her high school friends to pregame before heading to a bar that was known for serving underage.

I took out my phone and sent Scott a quick text to let him know I had arrived. I took a few more steps until I was on Scott's beautiful, brick red steps. I only waited a few seconds before the door flung open.

"Oh," I gasped as I met eyes with Scott's mom. "Hi, Mrs. James."

Her furrowed eyebrows quickly vanished as a smile crept along her face. "Hello, dear," she sweetly greeted me. "I thought I heard voices out here, but I didn't know you were coming over."

I uncomfortably shifted my weight onto my right foot. "Oh, Scott didn't tell you?"

She waved a hand at me. "No, but come in! It's cold out there."

The weather was definitely warming up, but she was right. It was still cold out. I walked into the house and shrugged my coat off. Where the hell was Scott? His mom had already made her way to the kitchen where I could smell she was cooking something and I didn't see his dad anywhere in sight.

It's not like I really felt like a guest in Scott's house, anymore. I could make my way to his bedroom on my own. I first met his parents when they invited me over for dinner in January. I was nervous and I don't know if Scott telling me that they were "dying to meet me" made me more nervous or more at ease. Regardless, I was ready to pop a Xanax before driving to his house that night. I refrained from that drug use, but I regretted that decision when I saw Jenna sitting down at the dining room table.

Of course, Jenna was home the weekend that I was going to meet Scott's parents. What if she told his parents that I was over the night they were out of town? If Jenna mentioned this information during dinner, I'd probably throw myself on my steak knife. I was lucky that it didn't come to that. 

Scott's parents began asking me questions. I didn't have trouble with their relatively direct questions. I can do parents. I just couldn't help but feel like Jenna was hating on me. I hadn't seen her since our last encounter and she wasn't really saying anything.

"Jenna, aren't you taking a psychology course?" Scott's mom asked. I gulped. His mom, with all her good intentions, was about to make us interact.

"Yeah," Jenna said as she played with the food on her plate.

I tried to quietly clear my throat but I think it was louder than I intended. I saw Scott give me an encouraging look. "What class are you taking?" I asked.

Jenna looked up at me. She didn't look judgmental anymore. She just looked bored at the whole evening. "I took Intro last year. I'm taking Developmental now."

"I've taken Developmental twice," I said. I was really grasping at straws here to make the conversation work.

"Don't you have a paper due next week?" Scott asked and I couldn't have asked him to interject at a more perfect time.

"Oh, a paper?" I asked. "Want me to look over it for you?"

Jenna glanced up at me and her eyes kind of lit up. You'd think I just offered her a million dollars.

So, that night I "looked over" her paper. She really didn't have anything but a bunch of notes scribbled in pink pen, but it was fine. I've written plenty of papers with less information.

As I helped her format her paper, we actually began to bond. Over the next few weeks, she opened up more and more to me. Now, she'd actually text me when something happened at school. It was like I had another little sister.

I saw Scott's parents most nights that I hung out at his house. I was beginning to feel more comfortable with them but it was still a little awkward at times. I mean, they must've known I was boning their son in the other room, right?

I was finally at Scott's bedroom and as I lightly pushed the door fully open, I saw Scott. Asleep. Fully dressed on top of the comforter.

I let out a sigh before walking over to him. I softly shook him and he woke up. "Hey, babe," he said in a raspy voice.

"You fell asleep on me," I playfully replied as I formed my lips into a pout.

Scott smiled. "Well, I'm awake now," he said as he pulled me down onto the bed.

Am I Boring?

I hadn't seen my friends much the past few months. The night that we went to the coffee house had been one of the few times I had caught up with them. We periodically met up for drinks or dinner but the cold temperatures, combined with the cold demeanors of these cheery best gal pals of mine, had kept me in a sort of hibernation mode. Now that it's April, though, I guess it's time for this heavy bear to stretch her arms and renter the world.

Not only was I unenthused by the weather here in New York, but I was also swarmed with school work. I graduate from graduate school in May and I could not be happier. If only that happiness came with a nice job offer. To be quite honest, it's not so much about finding a job but more about finding the right job. I'll have a master's degree in psychology but what does that really mean? I can do so much with it and all the choices are blowing my mind. I thought by now I'd have some epiphany but so far, I'm exactly where I was when I finished my undergraduate. Except, two years older. Fuck.

I've been working on some research and I have three conferences to go to this summer, so I'm hoping those may point me in the right direction.

I hadn't been seeing a ton of my friends, but I had been seeing a lot of Scott. You could say I'm committing a cardinal, but I'm not choosing to hang out with Scott over my friends. I know that's hard to believe, but with a boyfriend, I feel like you can be so much lazier than with friends. On occasion, my friends and I will hang out and bum around, whether we're watching a movie or working on our laptops together, but for the most part, we don't. I see Scott one or two times during the week, but a lot of the time we're just laying in his bed. We'll watch our shows (yup, we're at THAT stage) and sometimes he even falls asleep next to me while I finish a paper or some other crucial assignment.

As spring barely sprung (I mean, on the first official day of spring, it snowed), Anna and I made plans to go shopping. I figured, and desperately hoped, that the following months would be filled with job interviews, in addition to some form of professional work. Anna had similar aspirations in regards to finding a full time teaching gig.

"Subbing is bull shit," she said into a circle of hangers at the department store we began our journey in.

"Well, you need the subbing to get the jobs, right?" I asked, trying to sound encouraging.

"Yeah, but it's been, like, a year. I want my own classroom, my own students, my own lessons, my own..."

"Paycheck?" I interrupted, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah," she groaned in response while simultaneously widening her eyes at the price tag of a dress she had picked up.

After a few more stops, and multiple shopping bags in hand, we stopped for a late lunch. As we sat in the booth with my large soup in a bread bowl, I heard my phone ding. I took it out of my bag and smiled as I read Scott's name on the screen.

"Hey, you still coming over later?" his text read.

As I began quickly typing back a response, Anna had settled down across from me with her coffee and brownie. "Texting Scott over there?"

I smiled and put my phone down. "Yeah, we're hanging out later."

"What exciting plans do you two have planned?" Anna asked.

I shrugged as the first sip of soup warmed my insides. I'm so tired of this cold, but I will miss how much I enjoy a hot bowl of soup in the winter. "I don't know," I honestly answered. "Probably going to hang out around his house. We might go out for a late dinner."

Anna smirked. For some reason, it was a very irritating smirk.

"What?" I asked, trying to keep any defensiveness out of my voice.

"Nothing," Anna replied, getting wide eyed and beginning to look guilty. I felt like I had just caught my dog peeing on the garbage can. After I gazed at her in silence for what felt like a minute, she finally sighed and spoke again. "Please, please, don't take this the wrong way. I know you're super happy with Scott. I know that we're very different people. So I'm just going to be honest with you, but I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with your relationship."

I gulped. It sounded like Anna was going to say something that would make my insides curl.

"I just, I don't know, would be so bored if I were you," she continued, without making eye contact with me. "I mean, again, this is just me, but I feel like the only exciting thing you guys have done since you've been together was go to Atlantic City."

This was true, and I know Anna has her faults, but I didn't feel like she was trying to be a bitch at all. I did force her to say this, after all.

"Well," I began. "Like you said, we're different people. No offense taken."

Anna looked relieved as she stuffed half the brownie in front of her in her mouth. She quickly changed the subject and we talk about my relationship with Scott for the rest of the day. As we went our separate ways and I began to drive to Scott's house, I couldn't help but run over the conversation in my head. She would be bored if she were me. Were we boring? Should I be looking for more excitement ? Fuck, was Scott bored?

I arrived at Scott's house and as I walked up to the front door, who do I run into? His sister, Jenna.

Coffee Shop Tension

"I swear, he was so hot that I contemplated tapping him with my car just so we'd have to engage in some sort of chat," Jessica said as she rolled her eyes at her own story.

"Jess!" Darlene said after hot chocolate nearly came out of her nose.

"I know!" Jessica said back. "I only said I thought about it. I wasn't seriously considering it." Jessica looked down and smiled. As she began to play with her biscotti, her smile faded.

Over the past couple months, Jessica had met a lot of guys. It always went the same way, though. She'd meet a guy, he'd seem super interested in her, a couple weeks would pass, and out of nowhere, he'd start acting like a complete douche lord. I felt like every time it happened, she felt more and more deflated. These were the types of events that would lead her back into the arms of Josh, although from what I understand, they haven't been in contact in months.

Anna quickly interjected. "Why didn't you just talk to him?" she asked in an almost exasperated voice. "What's honestly the worst that could've happened if you just asked him what he was drinking or where he was headed so early?"

Jessica had just told us about her morning at a Dunkin Donuts a few days earlier. A cute guy in a black polo and dress pants was waiting for his drink alongside Jessica. She didn't have the nerve to talk to him, but regretted it as she saw him from her car in the parking lot.

The four of us were discussing this on a particularly cold night as we sipped hot chocolates and nibbled on various treats. We were enclosed in a coffee shop that was decorated like a haunted house all year long. The drinks were really delicious and they always shook it up with different, seasonal concoctions. I have to say, it's not worth the forty-five minute wait though. Stupid hype.

Jessica gave Anna a cold, stern look. Anna probably didn't even notice, because as soon as she made her comment, she returned to sipping her drink and texting on her phone. I could see the back and forth of green and gray text bubbles. I assumed she was texting her newest fling, but I wasn't sure if it was the guy she met on Tinder or the new boy's basketball coach at her school. If it sounds like I have judgement in my voice, I can promise you there's none. It's just hard to keep track, but I'm glad she's enjoying herself!

I can't say Darlene and Jessica feel exactly the same way. I noticed that their feelings on Anna were matching the temperature outside the past few weeks: cold and frustrating. I felt like the group dynamic was definitely growing more and more passive aggressive as the days went on.

One of my biggest pet peeves is passive aggressive people. When people have to make non direct comments instead of just saying what's on their minds, I get kind of frustrated. Have you ever tried to call out someone for making passive aggressive comments? That's the worst part! Jessica can be the queen of passive aggressive comments. One time she made a remark regarding my first boyfriend, Mike, because after we tailgated for a football game, Mike left the leftover burgers and chicken in his trunk and they went bad. She had paid for the food (but Mike drove, paid for tolls, and the parking pass!) so when she asked for it a week later and I told her it went bad, she made some sort of snippy comment about it (I can't even remember what it was now). I innocently asked her if she wanted me to replace the food and she responded, "No! It's totally fine." Meanwhile, Darlene told me later on that she bitched about it to her over sushi. I think that's why passive aggressive people tick me off so much. I try to be good to my friends, but I acknowledge that I'm not perfect (just pretty freaking close) and if I do something that bothers a friend, I'd rather they tell me than resent me. Plus, if you're going to make a passive aggressive comment and then deny that the comment had negative intentions, don't make the comment!

ANYWAY, Darlene and Jessica had been super passive aggressive towards Anna. While Anna could be inconsiderate, I truly didn't believe it was intentional. Anna is always looking out for number one and doing whatever the fuck she wants. I have to say I kind of admire that. I'm sure Anna wasn't naive at the looks and comments Darlene and Jessica had been throwing her way, but she didn't show any annoyance from it.

After what felt like eternity, Jessica responded to Anna's comments. "I'm sorry we're not all like you, Anna. We don't all just hit on every attractive guy we encounter in the world." See? Super passive aggressive, right?

"I'm just saying," Anna said, still looking down at her phone, which I have to admit is kind of annoying. "If you don't try, you're never going to know what could have been!"

"She has a point," I quietly interjected, giving Jessica sympathetic eyes. I was trying really hard to play Switzerland the past few weeks.

It was times like this when I wondered how I ended up with such petty friends. I felt like I was living in a much less glamorous Real Housewives season, where the outfits were almost never designer and the guys were average looking. Sometimes, I felt like it must be something about me. Can I be like them but just not see it? Do I attract this sort of drama? Or is it just a matter of letting go of childhood friends that maybe I'm outgrowing?

As we left the coffee shop a little while later, snow was falling. I couldn't wait for this winter to end.